Spot the arse, the Jefferson/Aitken touch and the missing courtroom

Spot the arse - yes, Dicky's in there somewhere

Dear old Dicky. How many times since he was ignominously thrown out of office on May 6th have we realised how much we missed the hilarious antics of former Barking and Dagenham councillor, Dicky Barnbrook, the bumbling, piss-headed clown of the far-right?

Well, none actually, because while he may give us the odd laugh by acting the fool, he's still an incoherent, racist, right-wing loon who shouldn't be allowed to infect our democracy with his lies and venom.

Not satisfied with having been thrashed once, he's decided to come back for another hammering, standing in his old seat of Goresbrook, following the resignation of lollipop lady Louise Couling, who was actually ineligible to stand because she worked for the local authority while a candidate. Quite why pornmeister Dicky thinks the electorate will change their minds a mere four weeks after booting him out, God alone knows, particularly after he ended up in fourth place, but Dicky always was delusional, especially after an extended liquid lunch.

Perhaps Dicky might like to stop gloating over Ms Couling's resignation long enough to give a thought to the current investigation that is taking place over the illegal use of addresses within the local authority area for candidates who in fact lived outside and were therefore ineligible to stand - including Jeffrey Marshall, the BNP’s central London organiser, Eddy Butler, a key organiser of the party’s local campaign, and Chris Roberts, a paid aide to the BNP’s London Assembly member Dicky Barnbrook. Yes, that one.

Meanwhile, the havoc in the BNP continues, with escalating calls for the dismissal of Jim Dowson, the man who seems to own both Nick Griffin and the party, and rather louder calls for Griffin to go or at least allow a proper leadership challenge, and incidentally the opportunity for members to have a quick peek at the accounts whenever they choose.

Griffin's response has been entirely as expected - instant claims of Searchlight spies in the ranks, the setting-up of attack sites to slag off those who threaten his position and suspension letters winging their way all over the country like the fallout from a sudden explosion in a confetti factory.

He is also ably served by his new hit-man, the muscle-brained Clive Jefferson/Aitken (there's some doubt about his real name), the newish national organiser who, even though he was standing for Parliament, didn't have the balls to take part in a live chat interview for fear that news of his highly unsavoury past would leak out.

The suspension letters that have been sent out are as stupid as the writer and have about as much sense of legality about them, too.

'Membership Suspended With Immediate Effect

Your membership of the British National Party had been suspended, pending an investigation into an alleged serious breach of the BNP Code of Conduct.

While suspended you may not take part in any Party event, attend meetings or send circulars that give the impression that you hold any position in the Party.

You will be informed of the outcome of the investigation in due course.'

No reason for the suspension? And don't you love that last line? Good ol' British justice, eh? Absolute bloody rubbish and any court would treat any termination as a result of such an investigation as illegal without any qualms at all. You'd think even the puny legal brains of Porky Griffin (third-rate degree in jurisprudence) and Lunatic Lee Barnes (no real legal qualification at all) could do better than that. But I may be being unfair. Perhaps the letters were actually written by Jefferson/Aitken, in which case, well done, Clive - you can almost write coherent English!

While on the subject of National Organisers, Eddy Butler (the one before Jefferson/Aitken), has decided to spill the beans on a lot of background activity in the BNP. He's busily positioning himself as a challenger to Griffin (though surely he doesn't seriously believe Griffin will allow it) and has been quietly stirring things over on his blog.

I don't believe half the things even ex-BNP people come out with but in this case I'll make an exception because it seems so, well, so Griffin-like. Here, according to Butler, is what happened on a recent trip to court.

'I decided that I would also go to court to observe the [EHRC] proceedings. I was told it was to start at 10.30 am at the High Court in the Strand. I made my own way there and found Nick and various people from his security team waiting in the main entrance hall of this impressive building. It was 10.10 am so I asked what court number we would be in. Nick replied that he was not sure as the case wasn’t listed. I asked whether he was certain we were in the right court as all cases are listed. He said yes, of course we were. I checked the listings and we weren’t there. I asked if he had checked with the information desk, he said that wasn’t necessary as our barrister would be there at any minute as he was just parking up. Soon after the barrister rang to ask where we were. We were in the wrong court. The court we should have attended was the Central London County Court, about four miles away across the busiest streets in the country and we were already five minutes late. We piled into various vehicles and eventually got to the right court over 45 minutes late. Our embarrassment was compounded by the fact that Croydon activist Bob Gertner had privately made his own way to the correct building on his own initiative.'

And these idiots want to run the country...