Clive Jefferson Unleashes New Fundraising System

Clive Jefferson, the BNP's national treasurer, today unveiled a range of new measures to improve the BNP's fund-raising ability. Through the BNP website he announced ten 'highly effective' and 'groundbreakingly brilliant' initiatives which will 'revolutionise' their donations system and take the BNP into a new era of financial capability, a system which will leave the BNP's enemies and political adversaries 'quaking in their boots'.

We received a leaked copy of the article before it went to press on the BNP website,

Clive, I've gone through your article and edited the spelling mistakes and typos, it took me three fucking hours so you had better appreciate this, also, Nick says if this doesn't work don't expect to be invited to his Big, Bad, Boys Only BBQ in July.

The edit follows:

Clive Jefferson has today announced a new set of initiatives which will drive the BNP forward through financial ability and take the party into a new era of electoral breakthroughs. The new scheme, which is the brainchild of Jefferson, has been in the planning for several months, and is now ready to be rolled out.

The new fund-raising system has ten varied and very unique parts, however, they all fall under the same umbrella, the idea is to make it manageable, as being such a large organisation we had to implement a realistic system, however, we're confident that these new initiatives will quadruple our donations overnight and make much more money for Nick.

The ten elements are listed below:

• Strategy One: A state of the art donations tin on the bar in the George and Dragon in Little Aversham
• Strategy Two: A state of the art donations tin on the bar in the Anglers Rest in Woodhouse Mill
• Strategy Three: A state of the art donations tin on the bar in the Bridge Inn in Heacham Vale
• Strategy Four: A state of the art donations tin on the bar in the Three Stags Head in Yeovil
• Strategy Five: A state of the art donations tin on the bar in the Big Tree Public House in Hartland
• Strategy Six: A state of the art donations tin on the bar in the Royal Oak in Somerton
• Strategy Seven: A state of the art donations tin on the bar in the Alma public house in Corsham
• Strategy Eight: A state of the art donations tin on the bar in the Nag's Head in Peckham
• Strategy Nine: A state of the art donations tin on the bar in the Red Lion in Tiverton Park
• Strategy Ten: A state of the art donations tin on the bar in the Horse and Cart in Fawley

We estimate the scheme will take around five months to fully implement, and are asking for donations to help us set up the donations tins, and also asking for any spare donations tins people may have, or even just roses tins with a hole in the top, just so long as they aren't too dented.

In the inevitable success of this scheme we plan to expand with a roll out of a further set of initiatives which will increase our system capacity by another 20%!

Simon Darby upon hearing of the new initiative announced: "Our enemies are going to shit when they see this, ten new and unique strategies which will allow the BNP to smash the Labour party up and down the country! Gone are the days of me and Nick standing on street corners with a bunch of commoners in cheap clothes and no culinary taste!"

Comments on the article were largely in praise of the new system, one member saying "Why didn't we think of this before? It has been right under our noses! For years we've been giving pennies to orphans and dogs and of course immigrants!!!!!!! Now the money can go where it is needed!". Another said "A brilliant idea, Clive should be awarded hardest working official in the BNP, shame that one has already been given to Nick this month, maybe next month?".

Turkey Breath