The Patented Lancaster Unity All-Purpose Post-Nomination Analysis

(Delete Where Applicable)

So the Nominations are (a) in (b) lost (c) in a shredder somewhere, and it has been announced that (a) Nick Griffin will continue unopposed as Party Leader (b) Eddy Butler will be allowed to challenge for the Party Leadership (c) Richard Barnbrook will be allowed to challenge for the Party Leadership (d) Someone Who's Name Escapes Me At Present will be allowed to challenge for the Party Leadership.

Following his (a) successful (b) unsuccessful bid to make the ballot, Eddy Butler will be (a) celebrating with a fancy new haircut and a bottle of vintage Lambrini (b) thrown out of the Party with immediate effect, stricken entirely from Party History and burned in effigy each year as a stark warning to others.

Mr Griffin, meanwhile, will (a) prepare to launch an election campaign of such vituperative ferocity and inherent putrescence as to make the latter days of the Borgia Popes resemble a group of Quakers deciding Who's Going to Make Us All a Lovely Pot of Tea at the Friends' Meeting House (b) celebrate by asking his Members for an Especially Big Donation by way of giving thanks for his deliverance.

(Note: If Richard Barnbrook has been (a) successful (b) unsuccessful, he is likely to (a) celebrate with a drink or two (b) celebrate with a drink or two.)

As the BNP Membership prepare themselves for (a) their historic Leadership Election (b) another round of desperate appeals, (a) Party Staff (b) Griffin's Family at (a) HQ (b) Welshpool will be preparing for the forthcoming activities by (a) becoming acquainted with every aspect of electoral law (b) re-reading Machiavelli's “The Prince” (Ladybird edition) (c) wondering if four days is a long enough interval between Appeals For Donations.

Whether or not there is to be a Leadership Election, of one thing we can, at least, be certain: That Griffin will (a) accept the result with good grace (and launch a new wave of Urgent Appeals for Donations) (b) fight the dirtiest campaign since the days of Tammany Hall and quickly come to resemble a one-eyed rottweiller crossed with a poison-throwing machine (before launching a new wave of Urgent Appeals for Donations) (c) go on holiday (and launch a new wave of Urgent Appeals for Donations).

Of one thing, we can be sure. The BNP, as an effective political force for the Far-Right, are (a) doomed (b) doomed (c) doomed.