August 03, 2010

The Worst Job in the BNP: A Plea for Sympathy

What's the worst job in the BNP? There are so many to choose from: Treasurer? Sure, it may be grim, having to appear less than honest and then put your name to it, but at least it's classed as short-term employment. Griffin's Security Guard? As Martin Reynolds found at College Green; so long as you remember to keep as far away from the Leader as possible when things actually kick off, you'll be fine. No. having spent an hour on the site, I honestly believe that the very worst job in the entire BNP organisation, is that of Facebook Moderator.

The BNP have long fancied themselves as being on the cutting-edge of politics in their use of Social Networking sites, so maintaining a Facebook presence would seem an obvious thing to do.

Ever been on? You should.

The 21st Century equivalent of calling in at Bethlem to have a chuckle at the inmates.

Now, I'm just guessing here, but I have a feeling that a Facebook group like “God told me 9/11, JFK and Roswell was done by the Evil Pixies” boasts a membership displaying more intelligence and exercising greater Critical Thought.

A wee taster:

“ye you dnt see homless muslims cuz british money gives um anice f****** house and car they get first priority on council for houses and we get a nice 2 + year waiting list while they get strait to the first chois makes me mad”

Another Member upbraids this gentleman for his unorthodox English usage, to which the Initiator responds:

“ye you go on bout my english gramer yet you can talk cuz you put making is in sted of making us all out to be thick n stupid you do it on your own pmsl”

But that's just a cheap shot. I'm chuckling at people misspelling things. That's wrong and I apologise. I write for a living, and yet I repeatedly misspell “recieve”.

The true, rich vein of Comedy Gold buried within BNP Facebook is more subtle. They are, remember, a bunch of unreconstructed racists pretending, for purposes of electoral viability (doing a bang-up job there, chaps...) to be a respectable, if radical, party of patriotic nationalists. Whoever first proposed the Facebook notion probably imagined it would become a lively intellectual talking shop of Campaigning Nationalism: a sort of ultra-rightist Algonquin Round Table.

Sadly for them, it hasn't quite worked out that way.

The poor Moderator must be ground down by long, unforgiving hours at a steaming keyboard trying to – well – moderate Member's views.

”sarkozy is a blair friend. he is hated in france as he is an anglo saxon banking corporate puppet. look at how he took envelopes of cash off the l'oreal founder when he was mayor. i heard of a french diplomat he is not clean atall, with stash in switzerland. napoleon would turn in his grave. more to the point look at our own, blair is corrupt beyond belief. look at how chelsea clinton has married a saucepan lid. that is going to make family interests in state of israels favour now as clinton holds high position in usa foreign policy, secretary of state. that is a pain in ass for bnp as we need to implode stockmarkets to get nationalism agenda going. so we need to be anti-israel. the only factot the corporate press leave us alone so much is we are anti muslim. when we should be just pro british and not give 2 hoots about israel/muslims.”

See what I mean? And how about:

”we need to die saving it again against the failed banks and stockmarkets, corporations, finance, and insurance houses. the real war has not started yet.”

Gosh: Such gay badinage is like having Dorothy Parker and Robert Benchley sat right there in the room with you.

But that isn't the worst of the Moderator's daily grind. Oh, no. The worst part; the bit of the Job that must really get them down; the unending task that might prompt an ordinary person to consider a career in something less stressful, like professional Russian Roulette or circumcising wolves is this:

”How do i join and where do i sign????”

And this:

“i was wondering how I join the bnp.”

And this:

“how do I join the bnp?”

And this:

“how can I give money 2 the BNP?”

And on, and on, and on, and on it goes. (Not that there's any evidence of any of this actually translating into increased Membership or income.)

Now I may be missing a trick here, but I've never recieved (see?) the impression that the BNP are in any way reticent about accepting people's money. Nor do they seem to make the information required to make such a rash investment particularly obscure or difficult to come by.

It's not as if the BNP are the political equivalent of a snooty Jermyn Street Tailor where nothing has a pricetag and if you stoop to mentioning money they'll have a fit of the vapours and ask to speak with your Family Banker, is it?

No. Pity the lot of the poor BNP Moderator. Not only are you spending your waking hours reading post after post of ill-considered, barely-literate, unintelligible conspiracy-think and racist claptrap, but then the awful realisation hits you:

These people. The backbone of our Party. The reason for our existence. The saviours of a once-proud Nation...

Are really, REALLY thick.


Anonymous said...

Aw cmon Andy this is really not fair, another lost choc ice all over my screen.

Please, pretty please a laughter warning


Anonymous said...

I before e except after c.

Anonymous said...

"Are really, REALLY thick"

Many on the top table in the BNP are into the 'crank' theories of Social Darwinism and Eugenics. In power they would promote 'racial hygenie' and the creation of a so-called 'higher man'. Ironic then that many of their members today are the lowest, basest and most unintelligent in society.

AndyMinion said...

Just how many choc ices do you get through, Tulip?

Anonymous said...

Dear Andy, far too many since you have started writing on here, not much of them get swallowed though!!

By the way have just read a very lengthy piece by Dowson," my role in the downfall of M Mackenzie" on the Democracy forum.

certainly worth a read


Anonymous said...

"that is a pain in ass for bnp as we need to implode stockmarkets to get nationalism agenda going. so we need to be anti-israel."

I bet this guy passes as something of an intellectual in his local branch. I'm sure Goldman Sachs are quaking at the thought of the BNP "imploding stockmarkets".