After hours of work, the technicians at the gigantic, hi-tech LU campus had a breakthrough with the most recent begging letter from Nick 'Grabber' Griffin, the leader of the BNP. Here is the email, complete with deletions:
You sad twatFellow Patriot
I'm delighted to inform you of
my latest scama very special invitation now open to you: the British National Party 'LIFE MEMBERSHIP' offer.
conhonour is being extended to absolutely anyone who is stupid enough to fall for ita carefully selected group of British citizens, moronsstalwart BNP members like you, and I would like to be the first to personally congratulate you for being among that special chosen group of loserspeople.
Please give this
permanent daily weekly'once in a lifetime' opportunity your careful consideration. The reason is simple. I want your money.We need people like YOU!
suckers who are easily parted from their readiespatriotic people from all walks of life, people who are not afraid to stand up for this country and our British heritage. We need cashpeople who are proud to honour the memory of all those brave men and women who, down through the turbulent centuries, have given their lives so we could live free.
You can help build
my second home in Croatiaa strong British National Party by accepting Jim Dowson'smy personal invitation to become a LIFE MEMBER...TODAY!
Despite the tremendous
amount of money I am making at the European Parliamentprogress we have made this year, we are still skintnot strong enough to make a full assault on the corridors of power at Westminster, and if you think you're getting your hands on my dosh, you can fuck offbut soon we will be.
By accepting my invitation to sign up for the exclusive LIFE MEMBERSHIP OFFER, you will be providing the
readiesstrength and security I wantthe party needs to make me as rich as I deserve to bego forward to the next level in British politics in defence of this land and our people.
We have set the fee for LIFE MEMBERSHIP at
£1m £2000 £4.50£500, but if you respond to this written invitation right away, you can take advantage of this offer for the same old price ofspecial invitation price of £395. This though in fact there is NO reduction, suckersis a token of my deep appreciation for your loyalty and hard work for the party.
But there is more
bad averagegood news for you. If you accept my invitation today - we can offload skiploads of old Excalibur crap on youyou'll receive all the valuable benefits only available to LIFE MEMBERS, FREE!
You will also receive a
poorquality, cheap, badlyengraved imitation Mickey Mousewatch, (made in China).
- FREE exclusive
SUCKERLIFE MEMBER pin badge to wear with shame and humiliation (made in Taiwan).
- FREE lifelong subscription to
the tediousIDENTITY magazine 64pp. (worth 99p)
- FREE lifelong 'annual party reports'
(if we can ever get them out in the year they're due).
- FREE prestigious LIFE MEMBER certificate
fauxparchment scroll for framing (made in Hong Kong).
absolutely appallinglimited edition of a billion8x10 signed portrait of Party Chairman Nick Griffin MEP to throw darts at. cheap to producehighly desirable GOLD colouredembossed LIFE MEMBERSHIP card so you can show all the other suckers out there what a REALLY sad loser you are.
Simply by becoming a LIFE MEMBER, you will be facilitating
my masturbatory fantasies of unbridled richesthe hopes, prayers and aspirations of every true British citizen. It's a brilliant con-trick that Jim Dowson reckons you idiots are bound to fall foran honour and privilege I sincerely hope you accept losers.