November 05, 2010

Kidney Stones: A Doctor Explains.

Hello. I'm a Doctor. I've got a Degree and a Stethoscope and everything.

I'm going to talk to you today about Kidney Stones, or “Convenientus Excusii pro Courtius Adjournimentia” to give the little blighters their full, medical name.

These hard, painful concretions are often associated with imminent tasks of an unpleasant nature, say, for instance, an appointment with Officials from the Electoral Commission Accounts Department or an impending Court Date.

In cases such as this, it is typical that the Kidney Stones (or “Attemptus ut Pullus a Fastii Unus” to give the pesky things another medical name) will manifest themselves as late as just three days before the associated unpleasant duty.

I recently diagnosed a severe case of this phenomenon, known as “Ultimo Ditchius Excusii”, in a patient of mine who, to observe medical confidentiality, I shall refer to only as N*** G******.

Mr G******, a slightly overweight 51 year-old Fundraiser, came to me complaining of painful realisations that an upcoming court hearing was not going to go well for him. “Is there anything you can do, Doctor?”, he asked; “The realisations are really very painful and getting worse all the time!”

After a thorough examination of his Constitution, I concluded that Mr G****** was, indeed, going to be in for a very bad time and, this condition being highly contagious among the susceptible, might even spread to those of a similar disposition.

I prescribed a Doctor's Note (or “Gettus ex Incarceratio Gratis Cardus”) to present to the judge, and Mr G****** left my office a happy man.

Follow-up appointments have been made for any dates deemed inconvenient by the Court.

If this course of treatment is followed and everything goes to plan, Mr G****** is expected to make a full recovery by next Wednesday.


Anonymous said...

Latest on Griffin's twitter, ha,ha,ha!

'patients at least getting relief from usual hospital tedium. Occasional stabbing pains in kidneys.
6 minutes ago via txt/

Anonymous said...

If the porky, greasy fucker is fit enough to 'tweet' about Family Guy then he's fit enough to get his fat arse up to the Law Courts on Monday.


Anonymous said...

Lol Andy superb as usual.
I can just see the begging letters and emails being typed as we speak how the fuhrer caught kidney stones whilst out campaigning in Barking after eating a dodgy curry and the cost of his kidney dialysis machine will cost at least £10,000 p.w. on top of his carers wage bill of a cost of £5,000 p.w. and his special nutritious diet estimated to be £2,000 p.w. please all members dig deep beacuse our country depends on your donations to keep nickerlessarse griffin going and without him you you will burn in the fires of hell so donate now.

Anonymous said...


unplugged from the matrix said...

Can kidney stones be removed analy. im sure clive jefferson could get them while he's up there

Anonymous said...

Not sure if your aware but a certain kevin clark Penrith BNP,been inside twice for racial violence is now a senior official in the BNP for the north west

Anonymous said...

anon at 1.18pm

Does Il Duce actually eat curries?? Is that the sustenance of a true kinsman? Shurely shome mishtake?

the baron said...

Latest on Griffin's twitter, ha,ha,ha!

'patients at least getting relief from usual hospital tedium. Occasional stabbing pains in kidneys.
6 minutes ago via txt/

Nick, are you referring to the other patients having an obnoxious thieving Z-rated celebrity gangster in the ward with them? Wow, those lucky people.

Anonymous said...

he should be okay if he has to have them surgically removed as he's been operated on before.

You know, when he lost his balls.

Anonymous said...

You've got to feel sorry for the kidney stone haven't you? There it was minding it's own business when it suddenly it fell victim to an acute case of 'Griffinitus' - ie encased in a horrific chunk of putrid, nazi blubber.

AndyMinion said...

Just read another of Cyclops' weirdly fake Tweets: "if here long I need I-pad".

Guess who'll be paying for that, then?

By the way: If Denise, Atreus, John P or Antifascist are looking in, I've had a bit of a headache all day. Can I have an i-pad too? (A 64 Gig one, too, with 3G. None of your cheapo 16 Gig ones, thankyou very much...)

Ben Trunch said...

Does anyone know which hospital/ward he is malingering in? Just in case M'Learned Friends need to dispatch the Tipstaff come Monday...

Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...

Latest update from the hostpital is that green sparrow got his hat stuck up griffins arse trying to remove the stone.

Kev Scott loves The Jam said...

He might be too ill to go to court, but he sure 'aint to ill to continue begging!!
"Writing from his hospital bed, where he is currently undergoing treatment for kidney stones, Mr Griffin revealed that a “heavyweight” legal team had been brought in to “grind the taxpayer-funded Equalities Commission” assault on the BNP “into the dust.”

The appeal letter reads...."

Good to see the pain has not made him lose his sense of humour, "heavyweight" legal team..... lol, lol, lol, They wanted £50k, the thermometer got stuck at £17k and now he's pleading for £1500.... seems that his definition of heavyweight just went all Helium balloon on us. I can just see the headlines on Tuesday.... In the High court yesterday Clive Jefferson, defending, said "I love Mr Giffin and If m'lud is lenient I might just be able to get my hands on a nice bag of Bolivian marching powder for you"

Anonymous said...

Andyminion, your request for an ipad is noted, and while I am quite happy to go round with the hat I am sure many will remember the last time that happened and we only managed to collect enough for a packet of chocci bisquits for irishtony


Anonymous said...

Fucking shameful story....A blatant attempt by the "Daily Heil" to whip up anti-Asian racism. Needless to state that the comment board is full of pro-BNP statements.