August 06, 2011

Nick reveals another 'state sponsored pressure valve'

Nick Griffin's homestead might be in for a cold winter after an incident involving him ripping a 'state sponsored' pressure valve out of his home's heating system.

BNP news reported:
"Nick Griffin MEP discovered a state plot to plant a state sponsored pressure valve in the heart of his political empire. Our gracious leader acted swiftly, destroying the valve to ensure it couldn't leech any votes off the massive BNP political machine.

The plot had all the hallmarks of a LibLabCon conspiracy to confuse voters by offering a phony alternative, one which doesn't have the true intentions of preserving the Indigenous British people at the heart. They will try anything to stop us making our massive gains!

Nick is advising all loyal patriots to open up their boilers and pull out any other state sponsored pressure valves so they can be destroyed. Don't listen to the advice of a qualified Gas-Safe engineer as they're all state agents. Donate now to stop this happening in the future."
Turkey Breath investigated the story: It all started with a routine visit from a gas engineer who informed Jackie their heating system needed a new part if it was to run soundly through the winter. Jackie said "Nick was away on the gravy train, and I didn't want to have a cold winter, I don't know anything about boilers or valves so I told the engineer to do what it takes, I got the company credit card out and let him get on with it, how was I supposed to know he was a state sponsored agent?".

Upon returning home and hearing of the news, Nick was said to be livid, Jackie said "I told him we had a new pressure valve installed and he got all paranoid, asking who installed it and if Clive had given the go ahead for the work. I told him no, but that it was a reputable engineer and that if we hadn't had it done it could have exploded, he didn't want to know, he was sweating and swearing and blaming me for the BNP's electoral decline. Nick pulled the boiler cover off and wrestled the valve out, it was like watching a hungry bear rip open a car door, I haven't seen him so angry and so strong in years! He went outside, got a gun and started shooting at it".

We spoke to the engineer who told us "a boiler can be very dangerous without a pressure valve, it's only a matter of time before it will explode. Fortunately for Nick, he buggered the boiler anyway, so it won't work at all. Seems like a waste of money to me, but if he won't take my word for it what can I do? The payment bounced anyway, I phoned the BNP and they just laughed at me, telling me to join the queue, all seems very unfair".

Jackie had to phone for an emergency engineer to come back out as Nick hadn't shut the gas off, and the house was slowly filling with gasses leaking from the ruined boiler, she added that in order to avoid another state agent getting into their home they're planning on installing several wood burning stoves throughout the house, "we have years worth of BNP court documents to get burning, and the accounts, we should probably get rid of them too".

Turkey Breath


Anonymous said...

Nice. :)

Anonymous said...

Good old Saint Nick, always a twat!

James said...

Bloody funny (and possibly true).

Anonymous said...