"The Battle for Barking": A Complaint

So. We've all seen it now. Was Cyclops treated unfairly?

To: Ofcom / Audience Complaints Department

Dear Sir,

I wish to register my complaint about the wholly biased, partisan and unpatriotic documentary “The Battle of Barking” broadcast on More 4 at 10pm on Tuesday November 30th.

When I was initially approached by the Production Company, Dartmouth Films, with a view to allowing television access to the British National Party's finely-honed election organisation, I was assured that any resulting film would be fair and unbiased.

How wrong I was!

My complaints are as follows:

1) Although the clear favourite to win the Election, I was repeatedly undermined in the film by unfavourable comparison to my rival, Mrs Margaret Hodge. For example, I was described as “Chairman of the BNP”, while she was repeatedly given the attribution “MP for Barking”. I was also, incidentally, described as someone who had previously shown no commitment to Barking, while Mrs Hodge was allowed to make an entirely unjustified claim to somehow “care” about the constituency on the spurious grounds that she has somehow “represented” it since 1994.

2) At one point in the (so-called!!) “documentary”, the highly respected local politician, elder statesman and scion of the London BNP, Mr Bob Bailey, is portrayed as someone who would beat an opponent to the ground and kick him repeatedly while he was down. I ask you, in all seriousness: If a similarly senior politician from the Labour Party – say Mrs Hodge, or John Prescott - had thrown a punch during an election campaign, do you think the Mainstream Media Elite would have shown any interest whatsoever? Of course they wouldn't – it would be swept under the carpet and conveniently forgotten about!!

3) Although the British National Party, as any fool can see, triumphed in Barking and Dagenham, and emerged from the fight fitter, wealthier, bigger and more beloved than ever before, this tissue-of-falsehoods-masquerading-as-fact has chosen instead to concentrate on a few selective (so-called!!) “facts” such as my failing to win our best chance of a Parliamentary seat, and our losing every one of our Borough Councillors in the Ward. No. Instead, the (so-called!!) “filmmaker” (a certain Laura Fairrie – who certainly seemed to be telling a “Fairrie-Tale” here!!) made the somewhat bizarre editorial decision to concentrate on Mrs Hodge's “winning” the Seat. Something I suspect will have been of very little interest to her Viewers!!

4) A Mr Richard Barnbrook is shown claiming to somehow “represent” the BNP in Barking and Dagenham. As even the most cursory reading of our Party's recent history will tell you, Mr Barnbrook is, in the opinion of many, a drunken, mentally-deranged, traitorous fifth columnist long known to have been in the pay of the secretive and all-powerful Searchlight Cult. I hardly think it likely that a sagacious and vigilant Leader such as myself would ever have allowed a dangerous lunatic like that within a day's march of our party. To suggest otherwise is clearly misrepresentation.

5) The Eating. I am portrayed, more often than not, as someone who eats all the time. I am constantly portrayed, in the (so-called!!) “Film” as tucking into enormous plates of cake, bacon cobs and assorted comfort food. As anyone who spends any amount of time with me at all will know, there are, in fact, several minutes each week when I am not eating. Did Ms Fairrie choose to show this? She did not!!

6) Repeatedly, I am shown as a somewhat lonely, even pathetic figure. Such a portrayal is nothing but pure fiction! In fact, it can be noted that, throughout our enormously successful and ultimately triumphant Campaign, I was surrounded by close allies and firm, lifelong friends: Eddie Butler, Lawrence Rustem, Charlotte Lewis, Michael Barnbrook, Simon Darby and many, many others. All of whom continue to regard me as a dear, dear friend and mentor.

These, then, are my complaints. I trust you will investigate and swiftly find in my favour. I look forward to being awarded a substantial sum by way of compensation.

Cash would be handy.

Yours Sincerely...