Oh dear. Paul “Green Arrow” Morris has done it again.
Just as he's started a shiny new blog (“The British Resistance”), because his last one had become such a laughing stock and the target of so many attacks from his own side, Captain Hogwash has kicked things off all over again by attacking the BNP's resident sacred cow, Andrew (I-Used-To-Be-A-Nazi-But-That-Was-Just-Youthful-Hi-Jinks) Brons.
Generally regarded (by his supporters) as a decent cove and a credit to nationalism (although, next to the competition, Vlad the Impaler might seem a genial old sort), MEP Brons has kept his head down in Brussels, occasionally appearing over the parapet to deliver interminable speeches from the floor on various esoteric subjects to a largely uninterested world.
In a post entitled “So What Will Andrew Brons BNP MEP Do?”, Hogwash addresses the Nation on the pressing matter of Brons' not yet publicly abasing himself before the altar of Griffin, in his customary style that swings between a Uriah Heep-ish, “Ever so 'umble” wheedling and the pompous, “I-Am-The-True-Voice-Of-The-BNP-And-Anyone-Who-Dares-Disagree-With-Me-Is-A-Filthy-Traitor” style that we on the opposition have come to know and enjoy (but never, strangely enough, to fear).
“Now Andrew,” he says at one point – just to show that he's evidently on first name terms with all the Top Brass; “I must confess to being very disappointed in your lack of obvious support for the Chairman over the last few months. I know the history but it was your duty to stand by him and in my opinion you let him down. Make up for it now.”
The real issues for Morris, it seems, are the continued employment in Brons' EU operation of Chris Beverly and Eddy Butler, and the presence on the recent jolly to Brussels of “Self-centred egotist Mick Barnbrook” and Shelly Rose. Shelley Rose is, of course, the young woman allegedly sexually assaulted by Jim Dowson. Any real political party might actually think such allegations worth investigating – even to the extent of inviting the Police to take a look – rather than immediately closing ranks and subjecting the woman to a campaign of poisonous vilification. By the way, that's the same “Mick” Barnbrook of whom a very silly old Welshman once wrote “I honestly did not realise what a trooper he really is. A credit to Bexley and a credit to our Party. I hope one day that Michael becomes our Justice Minister”.
Excuse me. I just did a little bit of sick in my mouth.
The Brussels trip doesn't, to be fair, sound like many people's idea of a good time. A coach and ferry trip to attend a talk on the Battle of Waterloo (presumably delivered in Butler's nasal, Estuarine monotone), followed by a visit to the Parliament with Brons and dinner in a Napoleon theme restaurant.
Hold me back.
But in attacking the trip, Chris Beverley (“get rid of Chris Beverly (sic) – the one who pulls the puppet Butlers (sic) strings.”) and Brons in particular, Morris has, yet again, annoyed the hell out of just about everyone on his own side.
The following day, and a promised article on Chris Beverley (trailed with the sepulchral announcement “More about him in tomorrow's article...”) has failed to appear. Cold feet? Or a swift telling off from Brons to stop being so bloody spiteful and childish?
Indeed; the article that did appear (“Andrew Brons – Caught Between a Rock And A Hard Place”) is so creepily obsequious (“I personally have great admiration for Andrew Brons. The man has courage, style, charm, intelligence...”) that, when the BNP finally goes tits-up, Morris should easily be able to find gainful employment knocking out press releases for Kim Jong Il (or “Un”. Whoever's turn it happens to be in a few week's time...)
Of course, only a cynic would suggest that a large part of Hogwash's ire is down to the fact that he didn't get to go on the junket. Certainly, some of his commentators seem to be upset by this: “It is very disappointing to see reformists reaping benefits when true BNP people are left at home” says Maria Riley-Ward (or “shaydee_lady” as she's known when cutting and pasting her curious EDL / Daily Mail fansite known as the “Derby Patriot”).
Imagine the stuff he'd have come out with if he had been invited.
On second thoughts, don't bother: You might do a little bit of sick in your mouth.