Conspiracy-Think And The Far-Right (an obviously State-Sanctioned article)

It's all true. Just look at the eye...

I'm not a great believer in Conspiracy Theories, no matter how widely they may be believed. I'm perfectly content, for example, that the World Trade Centre was destroyed by murderous Islamist terrorists, and not by a secret cabal of oil producers in control of their uncomplicated puppet, George W Bush. Furthermore, I'm willing to accept that Neil Armstrong was the first person to set foot on the moon, and that he didn't just wander (very slowly) around a tv set in Area 51. I even subscribe, after a few glasses of wine, to the bizarre notion that Leonardo da Vinci was just a Very, Very Clever Bloke – but he wasn't the head of a secret society dedicated to protecting the sacred identity of Jesus' Great, Great, Great, Great (etc...) Grandchild.

And call me naïve, but I get genuinely confused by the accusations that various people on the Left or the Far-Right are “State”, or “Plants”, or “Working For The Man” or whatever.

Take Weyman Bennett. I don't know the fellow, and may well be entirely wrong, but I'm guessing that the ultra-Left Wing, Socialist Worker Party-linked UAF Joint Secretary probably isn't actually in the pay of old Etonian, ideological Tory David Cameron. No matter how many Tesco vouchers he's offered.

It's a guiding principle of BNP-Think, however, that Bennett is protected by the State, and sent out at the behest of his Masters in Whitehall to harry the poor Nazis freely, while the massed police services of the Nation turn a blind eye to his shenanigans.

Even the inconvenient fact that he's recently been arrested doesn't quell their outrage – “it's evidently just a ploy to throw us off the scent”, they'll darkly mutter.

In fact, by the tenets of Conspiracy Think, the legal System is damned if it does and damned if it doesn't: If Bennett gets acquitted, it's clear proof of his working for MI5. He's found guilty, and the brutal Stalinist state has sacrificed another one of their own.

Anyway: For what my opinion's worth (which really isn't much, as such an obvious State Agent), I'm perfectly happy to believe that Mr Bennett is neither a State Operative, in the pay of Cameron or even a potential replacement for James Bond. Even if they were looking for a particularly shouty replacement with a whiff of the pie shop about him.

State Plant or employee of Searchlight?

Oh yes. Searchlight.

To listen to the paranoid blether of the Far-Right, one would imagine that the anti fascist magazine was, at the very least, based deep within the heart of an extinct volcano in Ilford, that Publisher Gerry Gable wears Mao jackets and strokes a Persian cat in moments of stress and that Editor Nick Lowles is a seven foot tall henchman with razor-sharp steel teeth.

Then, of course, there are the ever-growing list of those who've left or (as is more common) been thrown out of the BNP over the last few months.

Richard Barnbrook: One day he's celebrated as a hardworking, valued member of the Party's higher echelons, the next he's an incompetent wastrel with an unhealthy penchant for fine wines, whose career highlight was an iffy attempt at arthouse cinema. It was a matter of hours before posts were appearing on certain talkboards whispering of dark pacts with everyone from MI5 and Searchlight to the Freemasons and (while we're at it) possibly Mossad, the Knights Templar and Slytherin House.

Michael Barnbrook: Just a few weeks ago he's a “Super Activist” and “The BNP's Sleazebuster”. Now there's open chatter of State Involvement. I may deplore the man's politics, but I'm guessing that the sum extent of his State Involvement is drawing his Police Pension.

As with the Barnbrooks, so with Butler, Collett, Bennett, Rose, etc, etc: There's a pattern here. So long as someone stays in Griffin's good books, they can do no wrong. The moment they step out of line, it's time for a terse letter from Clive Jefferson's Speak n' Spell, and the rumours begin of brown envelopes stuffed with Vouchers handed over on park benches by an elderly gentleman who possibly should have rethought his moustache in about 1976.

And then, of course, there's Griffin himself. To his shrinking band of Loyalists he's the chosen one – the One-Eyed King of the Land of the Blind. A White (sorry: “Civic”) Nationalist Moses destined to lead his people out of bondage (once they've got over the current, pesky, Forty Years In The Wilderness bit).

To the expelled, the “Reformers” and those even further to the Right, he's a Long-Term State Plant, dedicated to the destruction from within of a once-great patriotic party. There are sites devoted to conspiracies around his supposed recruitment at Cambridge (Burgess, Philby, McLean, Blunt and Griffin? No smoke without fire, etc...), his familial connections to Freemasonry (an outfit who, it must be said, have brought all their endless starring roles in conspiracy theories upon themselves. If you deliberately set out to be as mad, elitist and secretive as the Masons you're kind of begging for it...) and his past record of having buggered up the NF.

The thought that he may be just a cheap, chiselling, fraudster and conman who preys mercilessly on his gullible (and often elderly) followers and has a uniquely vile outlook on just about everything, and whose current motivation is most likely a mortal terror of having his collar felt when the real accounts are examined, thus losing a healthy EU pension and spending the rest of his days in disgrace and penury, seems, at times, to be the very last thing that occurs to the Conspiracy Crew.

Of course; by writing this, I'm merely shoring up his position as an obvious State Plant.

What clearer evidence could you possibly have that the Marxist, EUSSR-Controlled, New World Order-sanctioned, Freemason-infiltrated, Zionist, Xenu-brainwashed lackeys of Lancaster Unity are afraid of the Truth being uncovered, than to post an article so openly trying to throw people off the scent.

I'll pick up my vouchers this afternoon. Usual drill – behind the cistern in the first cubicle of the Gents, Belper Town Football Club, thanks.