October 31, 2010

Tales Of The British Resistance! Another Thrilling Instalment Of Our Heroic Saga For Patriotic Lads!

Episode Four: Agent Brons Addresses The Nation!

These were great days indeed for the Heroes of the Resistance. “Bertie” Berk – sidekick, general factotum and Chief of Technical Staff to Agent Arrow, had laboured long and hard, through many sleepless nights, to bring the hardy, but antiquated, crystal radio rig to a peak of finely-honed technological perfection.

Tonight was the night! The Resistance' Man in Brussels, Agent Brons, was to speak to the Nation. And he had chosen the humble radio set of Agents Arrow and Berk, isolated within the Nantyglo Safehouse, as the vehicle for his message of Hope and Defiance.

This was the night. Thousands of listeners – possibly millions – huddled around their radios across the Occupied Territories of Britain, ground down by years of toil beneath the merciless heel of the vile Searchlight Commissariat, would finally hear news of how the Great Struggle progressed beyond these benighted shores.

Arrow could only guess at the result of their State-Of-The-Art broadcast to the Nation.

In preparation for this momentous night, he and Berk had been laying in their supply of ammunition for the revolutionary chaos that would surely follow: The Gat Gun lay in wait with a fresh supply of .177 pellets, the catapult was newly-strung with fresh elastic, and a cache of deadly Brasso, Irn Bru and Turps Molotov Cocktails lay ready for action.

1900 Hours.

Zero Hour.

Nervously, Berk tweaked the Bakelite knob on the trusty crystal rig. A feint hissing grew louder. Deftly, as though one with the machine, Berk eased back on the tuner and lightly tapped the “Overdrive” button.

“Now!” He said to Agent Arrow, who followed the instruction to throw the switch marked “Broadcast Relay”.

This was it! Agent Brons was Live to the Nation! Circumventing the broadcast controls of the hated Gableite Regime!

“Sorry 'bout that...” mumbled Berk. “Had my finger on the “send” button all the time...”

Agent Arrow sank back into his seat. Berk tried to sound positive. “Never mind, eh?”

Arrow was unconvinced. “Next time! We'll get the buggers next time!”, continued Berk.

The radio crackled into life once again.

Berk flew to the dial and fine-tuned the delicate device as a familiar voice came through the ether.

“It's Agent Cyclops!” cried Berk; “He's through to the entire Nation!” Arrow sat up, electrified: His beloved Leader? Addressing the Nation? This was, indeed, victory snatched from the jaws of defeat!

“Turn it up, Kinsman!” he shouted; “Our Nation must hear the Leader's words!”

Berk, modulating the frequency like a great conductor controls an orchestra, reduced the crackling static to a bare minimum and allowed the Leader's lush, charismatic voice to be relayed across the airways to his starved, crushed People.

“Fellow Patriots”, he began, as Agent Arrow drew himself to a salute: “We need your donatio...”

As suddenly as it had appeared, the voice vanished.

“Bertie” Berk threw himself at the Rig, frantically checking to see what could possibly have gone wrong. “But I had it!” He exclaimed: “It was working perfectly!”

It was only then that Berk registered Agent Arrow, holding the plug in his trembling hand. There was an air of dejection around the Stalwart Resistance Fighter.

“Don't worry about it, Old Boy,” he said, pulling the rag from a Molotov Cocktail and drinking deeply from it: “It's a repeat...”


Anonymous said...

“Don't worry about it, Old Boy,” he said, pulling the rag from a Molotov Cocktail and drinking deeply from it: “It's a repeat...”

Brilliant. :)

Anonymous said...


Paul Morris thinks he is a key member of the BNP but can not even get a membership card.

Lippy, Berk, Odin and Warsash must have a average age of 75.

These mugs think they can rule the world from behind their laptop.

Landale said...

Well done Andy - a lttle less sex this time thankfully ;-)

Unlike this one http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/scottish-news/2010/10/31/bnp-money-man-quits-after-model-accuses-him-of-groping-her-in-hotel-room-86908-22678131/

The question now is - In which telephone box will the BNP hold their conference?

Anonymous said...

This must be put out on leaflets in the run up to the next election the Fascists contest?

" 'He's lovely': Soham killer Ian Huntley romances obsessed girlfriend, 27, from his prison cell "

"Miss Rutledge regularly surfs the internet and is a fan of the British National Party. She is alleged to have an obsession with sex killers and posted a picture of herself online beside one of U.S. rapist and serial killer Ted Bundy"

"On her Facebook page, Miss Rutledge lists herself as a supporter of the BNP and has joined a group calling for its leader Nick Griffin to be knighted. Under her ‘likes’, she lists ‘true crime, wine and unsolved mysteries’."

Read more:

Anonymous said...

I'm a BNPer - but I rally am enjoying every episode of this.

By far the best thing on this site. Inspired. Whose basic idea was it?

Anonymous said...

I am surprised your little series makes no mention of the regular loss of resistance fighters to the searchlight beast. In May, in a dreadful catastrophy, betrayed by traitors, a full 20 were martyred. Since then, regularly, one or two a week fall prey to the enemy forces. Good kinsmen all who will be missed. Last week there was a female kinsman lost in battle as well. There are now only about 24 elite resistance fighters left in all Britain (not counting the ones who just own a weapon but lack the training). Surely GA must receive news of this on his radio!

Anonymous said...

'The question now is - In which telephone box will the BNP hold their conference?'

Surely the question is not if they need to rent a telephone box, but if they can ask warden if they can meet in one of their cells, isn't it?

Anonymous said...

The day the BNP collapses can not be far. And when I look forward to that day, I find my greatest anticipation is reserved for what will appear on GA's blog.
The mug is paying to maintain the original GA site - just in case anyone needs a case study for their thesis on 'Sychophancy and its manifestations in far-right cults'

AndyMinion said...

Another addition to the Life Imitates Art corner.

Comment from "Pete" on the board of the Nantyglo Safehouse:

"Paltalk is a fantastic idea GA. Even if things do go wrong occassionally thats just life, but the point is it is a fantastic waty (sic) to hear people like Andrew who don't get on Question Time, etc.,

I have to disagree with you when you say hundreds might listen. More like THOUSANDS!"

Even considering the comedy goldmine that are the Ultra-Right, I still can't recall such an embarrassment of riches being handed to their enemies on a plate, without fail, every time I need an idea.

To paraphrase the Great Resistance Hero himself (who was talking about Agent Cyclops at the time): "Thank you for just being you, Mr Morris".

Anonymous said...

@11.28 Anon

Maybe Ms. Rutledge has shared her love for the BNP with Ian Huntely and maybe he agress with her?

Wasn't Baby P's abuser a supporter of the National Front and was covered in White Power tattoos?

There's a lot of fucked up people on the Far Right who love dominating and abusing those who are weaker than themselves.

Sadism and Fascism are closely connected.

Anonymous said...

"Maybe Ms. Rutledge has shared her love for the BNP with Ian Huntely and maybe he agress with her?

Wasn't Baby P's abuser a supporter of the National Front and was covered in White Power tattoos?"

Party !

Old Sailor.

Anonymous said...

I just found a strange article on indymedia. One of Nick Griffins security thugs is threatening that if he finds the address of a particular south yorkshire antifash that the antifash guy will need crutches. Whats interesting is this all appears to be taking place on the bass player from Hawkwinds facebook page!


green sparrow said...

You all need to listen to this. Its a recording from paltalk.


i havent laughed so much in ages! This could well become a classic work in how NOT to conduct ones self in a social medium. Please watch, learn and laugh.