April 01, 2009

Dicky Barnbrook found moonlighting as mobile kissogram

Poor old Dicky. Always the bridesmaid but never the bride.

Discarded by his clog-dancing ex-fake fiancée Simone Clarke, dumped by someone he claimed to have shagged via the internet and left with only an unidentified item of intimate apparel that he claims once belonged to the unfortunate Tilda Swinton, he now leads a lonely and unutterably tedious life, brightened only by the consumption of vast quantities of alcohol and the occasional fight with a Welsh rugby player.

Constantly laughed and pointed at in the street for his bizarre taste in shabby suits and his peculiarly Mark Collett-like sideburns, the laughter follows the intrepid Dicky into the London Assembly, where he talks gibberish simply because it amuses Mayor Boris Johnson, and shares the odd sandwich with Bill Oddie David Bellamy Simon Darby, crap naturalist and pretend researcher.

But Dicky's dull, repetitive life may be about to change. After a triumphant demonstration yesterday outside the home of Home Secretary Jacqui Smith, which drew a massive crowd of er, four idiots and for some obscure reason a half-naked female, Dicky has decided to come out to Lancaster Unity. No, not about that. He has at last confessed that he has been surviving on his pitiful pay as an Assembly Member by moonlighting as a mobile kissogram.

Although he's only been doing the job for the past three months, so far he has been able to tuck a staggering 23p (and a dented euro) away into his pension fund. Rather more successful is his ongoing bet with Nick Griffin to introduce spontaneous and unnecessary new words into the English language. At yesterday's disastrous demo, he managed this gem;

'...this taxpayer's money should not be used on frivolicies.'

Bravo, Dicky. That almost, but not quite, makes sense.

34 comments:

Simone Clarke said...

If the alternative was death I STILL wouldn't kiss him!

Anonymous said...

Shouldn't that be "Kiss me AND die"?

Dark Poet said...

April Fool? Why not? He's a fool every other day of the year.

Sorry, fool is the wrong word - I meant cunt

Puzzled of Peterborough said...

I can see you've added the wording on the flag but why is Dicky waving a flag around with a kissy pair of lips on it anyway?

Puzzled of Peterborough said...

Oh yes, LOL too. :)

Anonymous said...

Dicky always almost, but not quite, makes sense.

Nice spoof by the way.

Anonymous said...

It should say "KICK me or die"

Dave T said...

Nice April Fool but the picture would have made a great caption competition too.

Vicar of Dibley said...

'...this taxpayer's money should not be used on frivolicies.'

Maybe it's a previously unheard-of contraction of 'frivolous policies'. Not too bad for Dicky. You ought to think yourselves lucky he didn't mention altarboys.

Mark Colletttttttttt said...

I'd marry Dicky if I was a girl.

Stee Vee said...

Strangely the BNP seem to be applauding the demo (that truly did have 4 blokes (including Dicky B) and a half-naked woman at it) as some kind of success. What a bunch of wankers!

Happy April 1st, LU.

Tara said...

You lot are mean to Richard Barnbrook. It's no wonder he drinks like Oliver Reed.

Anonymous said...

Nice to see you reds have a sense of humour, you don't always run around with steam coming out of your ears, blaming everything thats wrong with the world on the nasty racist white man. Only 99.9999999999999% of the time.

irishtony said...

Now is it me or does stormfront have one of the biggest idiots imaginable is Captain Swing.

This fool cant seem to add. he is celebrating the fact ,in his tiny mind, that the Green arrow blog is more popular than the LUAF blog.

He even goes as far as posting his findings on stormfront not realising his own stupidity. Here is his post

"It's official: Even the Green Arrow Forum is more popular than the tumbleweed site of the great unwashed!

According to Alexa the swamp's webrankings are as follows:

Yesterday No data (in other words too low to register)
7 day avg 3,078,052
1 month avg 1,610,794
Average Time on Site: 1.7 minutes per day!!!!

For Green Arrow the figures are:

Yesterday 643,463
7 day avg 722,821
1 month avg 979,884
Average time on site: 2.2 minutes per day"

Now if we look at those stats that this plonker so gleefully posts any normal person can make the correct comparison
Green arrow 7 day avg 722,821
LUAF 7 day average 3.078,052

That would make LUAF more than 4 times more popular than the green slimes website

As long as the BNP has members and supporters as stupid as this guy then there is very little to worry about

A WHOLE NEW TAKE ON APRIL FOOL METHINKS

Anonymous said...

Sorry Tara, Dicky drinks far more than Oliver Reed, and lets be honest at least Oliver Reed had talent.......

tulip

Anonymous said...

Couldn't agree more

JP said...

"Discarded by his clog-dancing ex-fake fiancée Simone Clarke"

Clog dancing? I thought she was a ballet dancer?

Anonymous said...

"Clog dancing? I thought she was a ballet dancer?"

That's an April Fool, surely...

Anonymous said...

"four idiots and for some obscure reason a half-naked female"

You'da thought Marky Collette would have been there!

Stan the man said...

I STILL want to know what he kept hold of of Tilda Swintons from 20 years back.

Dicky's Arse Dildo said...

Who allowed the thick as pig shite neo-nazi troll to publish that bullshit comment with their wanking finger stuck on the 9 key.

Must be Paedo Boy himself, the man with absolutely no sense of humour, whose idea of generating laughter is tickling fourteen year old girls in intimate places!

Bumbrook is indeed nothing less than a laughing stock!

Anonymous said...

It's deliberate satire, my friend!

Simone certainly clogged Dicky Bumbrook with her put-down of the pretend heterosexual Dagenham alcy!

Antifascist said...

'Who allowed the thick as pig shite neo-nazi troll to publish that bullshit comment with their wanking finger stuck on the 9 key.'

Me, because we need to remind ourselves of just how 'thick as pig shite' they are from time to time.

Anonymous said...

"Nice April Fool but the picture would have made a great caption competition too."

Excellent idea for the next slow news day (and yet another opportunity to take the piss out of Dicky B).

Mark Colletttttttttt said...

I'd marry Dicky if I was a girl.

In the meantime (at least until after the op) I'll have to think of him as a "bit on the side" although I'm usually on my back, rather than my side, with my legs in the air.

I must say, when he hasn't been at the bottle, he has a much more powerful thrust than Nick.

Anonymous said...

Ah, Simone Clarke! The woman who was robbed (by an Eastern European) while she was hiding in a locked wardrobe. Did that ever get sorted out?

PC Plodski said...

"Ah, Simone Clarke! The woman who was robbed (by an Eastern European) while she was hiding in a locked wardrobe."

They should have left her in there.

Anonymous said...

Dicky seems to give his ring to anyone who passes, his ex-wife, the clog-dancer, the Tavilampi woman, Nick Griffin (allegedly)... And he still finds time to get sloshed every day. What a busy boy he is.

Sanford said...

"I can see you've added the wording on the flag but why is Dicky waving a flag around with a kissy pair of lips on it anyway?"

He's actually holding one end of a pathetic banner on the tiny BNP demo outside Jaqui Smiths place. Ketlan snipped the corner out of one of the pictures by the looks of it. Neatly done, mate. :)

Dicky Barnbrook(Artist) said...

My only weakness is a listed crime.

Shirtlifters of the world unite.

Anonymous said...

Where are the BNP accounts?

Anonymous said...

Had no idea what this demo was about so had a gander at the BNP site, wore gloves and a mask (careful Dicky dont waant to get you going)and the "half naked female" aint half bad, surely someone as attractive as that CANT be BNP, is she a paid model like thay used at Leeds.

Anonymous said...

A demo which included a half naked woman for some reason"

One of them obviously thought the idea up so they could at least get a glimpse of the female, I mean, how else would a bunch of losers like that ever get so close to a pretty lady?

Pity the poor bird she must have wanted to help the BNP really badly to be as guillable enough to get kitted out like that, she may have noticed it didnt get any publicity but they all got a cheap thrill at her expense no doubt.

Beauty but no brains

National Pride said...

Having had the mis fortune of listening to Mr Bumbrooks "Mein Kampf" ramblings in the past, I would suggest he missed a branch or two on the evolutionary scale. The man is an arrogant prat, and typical of the white supremacists that wallow in the ranks of the British Nazi Party. As an ex member of this vile neanderthal clutter of ignorance, I managed to get a much closer look at these people, and listened to the crap they spewed out about the white race, and how Britain would be all white one day. How Islam would be wiped from the face of Britain, and the Jews removed from their jobs, and places of authority. To which Mr Bumbrook gleefully stamped his feet and clapped his hands at. I would imagine Simmone got fed up with being dragged about by her hair, and clubbed every other night. But what was the last straw I wonder...another paragraph from Mein Kampf at bed time, or did she find another 0901 number on his mobile...but it is OK to sit here and take the mick...in reality these looney toons are dangerous people, and are winning over a large part of the British public. I can't stress enough the horrors this party under Griffin and Collet have in store for us. Short of being the mirror image of Hitler's NSDAP, they have on board many of this countries most ardent racists, anti semites, muslim haters and boot boys. All just waiting to hang their suits up, and put the jack boots on, and get to work. Like all of you, i like to post, and get my bit said. But get out there before it's too late, and stop the bastards. I have seen it first hand, and it is a serious business to them. Don't under estimate them, they intend to go the whole hog. It's you lot that can stop them, and i pray you do.