BNP faces meltdown at local polls after defections and infighting

Party to field 450 fewer candidates than in 2007 as leader Nick Griffin comes under pressure over organisation's finances

The British National party is facing political meltdown in next month's local elections after a string of defections and growing concern over its finances.

Dozens of prominent BNP figures have either been suspended or have resigned and in the past few weeks several former members have announced they are to stand for rival far-right and nationalist organisations.

The BNP is standing around 250 candidates in next month's elections, compared with approximately 700 in the equivalent polls in 2007.

The turmoil comes as the Electoral Commission announced this week that the party had "failed to comply with the legal requirement to keep adequate financial records" for the second year running, further increasing the pressure on the BNP leader, Nick Griffin, who fought off a leadership challenge last year.

"The position of the party is extremely dire," said Professor Matthew Goodwin, from Nottingham University, an expert on far-right politics. "The defections and rebellions are going strong and we have seen a whole host of key figures leave to join other far-right groups … Nick Griffin is becoming increasingly isolated."

The BNP says it is focusing on the elections to the Welsh assembly, where it claims it could secure two seats, but anti-Griffin rebels say the BNP should be making more progress in England as cuts bite and economic instability increases.

"There is growing anger within the party because there was a period when it looked like Nick Griffin may have been able to force the BNP into the political mainstream," said a spokesman for the anti-racist campaign Hope not Hate. "But it is clear Nick Griffin will himself be the BNP's nemesis. His mismanagement, arrogance and dictatorial leadership have dragged his own party off a political cliff."

The BNP's election prospects took a blow earlier this month when it emerged that around 15 former members, including some key figures such as former Yorkshire organiser Chris Beverley, had defected and are standing for the English Democrats in next month's elections. On his blog Beverley said it had been a "huge decision" and blamed the actions of Griffin and his leadership team for the party's problems.

Goodwin said: "There are just over 200 BNP candidates but there are 390 far-right candidates in total so what we are seeing quite clearly is that the far right is splintering, not just among one or two parties but among a whole host of groups and factions … it is the classic case of far-right parties in the UK shooting themselves in the foot."

Analysts say BNP infighting has allowed other far-right and nationalist groups to come to the fore. Organisations such as the English Defence League, the English Democrats and the British Freedom party are now challenging the BNP, but perhaps its biggest threat is a resurgent UK Independence party, which beat both the Conservatives and Lib Dems to come second in a byelection in Barnsley last month.

"The activists that are frustrated with the incompetence of the BNP are going to the EDL or other rightwing factions and many [former voters] are going to Ukip if they want something more respectable," said Goodwin. "The BNP are being outflanked on all sides."

Opponents say the defections and wider splits mean the party is struggling to stand candidates in some of its core areas.

BNP spokesman Simon Darby dismissed the defections, saying: "People have gone, that is it … but wait and see about that, I think they are going to regret that, just wait and see."

He defended Griffin, insisting he was still a popular leader and that it was "a miracle" the party was still operating following what he said was a relentless campaign to undermine it by the media and the state. "I am just pleased we are still here putting up a campaign in seats we may win … we are still in the game and are looking to regroup after all the dust has settled on this election," he said.

Griffin has come under growing pressure since the BNP's poor showing in last year's general and council elections, when it lost all but two of the 28 councillors up for re-election and was wiped out in its east London stronghold of Barking and Dagenham. It now has 23 councillors, compared with 54 a year ago, and several senior figures, including election co-ordinator Eddie Butler and London assembly member Richard Barnbrook, have come out against Griffin.

The rebels' anger is focused on Griffin's leadership style and concern about the party's debts which were exacerbated this week when the Electoral Commission said the BNP had failed to keep adequate financial records for the second year running.

"We have sought an urgent meeting with the party to discuss the steps they need to take to comply with the law," said a spokesman for the commission.

The party is reportedly £500,000 in debt although Darby said that the figure was "coming down".

"We are making good progress on that, that debt will be serviced," he added.

Although a poor showing in next month's elections would increase the pressure on Griffin to stand down, Goodwin said that remains unlikely.

"Griffin will hang on because the BNP constitution means it is almost impossible to oust him... [He] is doing the party in, it is not connecting with voters, they are running out of money but he is not going to go anywhere... they truly are a fading star and it is almost entirely because of Griffin's incompetence."

The Guardian

Spot the arse, the Jefferson/Aitken touch and the missing courtroom

Spot the arse - yes, Dicky's in there somewhere

Dear old Dicky. How many times since he was ignominously thrown out of office on May 6th have we realised how much we missed the hilarious antics of former Barking and Dagenham councillor, Dicky Barnbrook, the bumbling, piss-headed clown of the far-right?

Well, none actually, because while he may give us the odd laugh by acting the fool, he's still an incoherent, racist, right-wing loon who shouldn't be allowed to infect our democracy with his lies and venom.

Not satisfied with having been thrashed once, he's decided to come back for another hammering, standing in his old seat of Goresbrook, following the resignation of lollipop lady Louise Couling, who was actually ineligible to stand because she worked for the local authority while a candidate. Quite why pornmeister Dicky thinks the electorate will change their minds a mere four weeks after booting him out, God alone knows, particularly after he ended up in fourth place, but Dicky always was delusional, especially after an extended liquid lunch.

Perhaps Dicky might like to stop gloating over Ms Couling's resignation long enough to give a thought to the current investigation that is taking place over the illegal use of addresses within the local authority area for candidates who in fact lived outside and were therefore ineligible to stand - including Jeffrey Marshall, the BNP’s central London organiser, Eddy Butler, a key organiser of the party’s local campaign, and Chris Roberts, a paid aide to the BNP’s London Assembly member Dicky Barnbrook. Yes, that one.

Meanwhile, the havoc in the BNP continues, with escalating calls for the dismissal of Jim Dowson, the man who seems to own both Nick Griffin and the party, and rather louder calls for Griffin to go or at least allow a proper leadership challenge, and incidentally the opportunity for members to have a quick peek at the accounts whenever they choose.

Griffin's response has been entirely as expected - instant claims of Searchlight spies in the ranks, the setting-up of attack sites to slag off those who threaten his position and suspension letters winging their way all over the country like the fallout from a sudden explosion in a confetti factory.

He is also ably served by his new hit-man, the muscle-brained Clive Jefferson/Aitken (there's some doubt about his real name), the newish national organiser who, even though he was standing for Parliament, didn't have the balls to take part in a live chat interview for fear that news of his highly unsavoury past would leak out.

The suspension letters that have been sent out are as stupid as the writer and have about as much sense of legality about them, too.

'Membership Suspended With Immediate Effect

Your membership of the British National Party had been suspended, pending an investigation into an alleged serious breach of the BNP Code of Conduct.

While suspended you may not take part in any Party event, attend meetings or send circulars that give the impression that you hold any position in the Party.

You will be informed of the outcome of the investigation in due course.'

No reason for the suspension? And don't you love that last line? Good ol' British justice, eh? Absolute bloody rubbish and any court would treat any termination as a result of such an investigation as illegal without any qualms at all. You'd think even the puny legal brains of Porky Griffin (third-rate degree in jurisprudence) and Lunatic Lee Barnes (no real legal qualification at all) could do better than that. But I may be being unfair. Perhaps the letters were actually written by Jefferson/Aitken, in which case, well done, Clive - you can almost write coherent English!

While on the subject of National Organisers, Eddy Butler (the one before Jefferson/Aitken), has decided to spill the beans on a lot of background activity in the BNP. He's busily positioning himself as a challenger to Griffin (though surely he doesn't seriously believe Griffin will allow it) and has been quietly stirring things over on his blog.

I don't believe half the things even ex-BNP people come out with but in this case I'll make an exception because it seems so, well, so Griffin-like. Here, according to Butler, is what happened on a recent trip to court.

'I decided that I would also go to court to observe the [EHRC] proceedings. I was told it was to start at 10.30 am at the High Court in the Strand. I made my own way there and found Nick and various people from his security team waiting in the main entrance hall of this impressive building. It was 10.10 am so I asked what court number we would be in. Nick replied that he was not sure as the case wasn’t listed. I asked whether he was certain we were in the right court as all cases are listed. He said yes, of course we were. I checked the listings and we weren’t there. I asked if he had checked with the information desk, he said that wasn’t necessary as our barrister would be there at any minute as he was just parking up. Soon after the barrister rang to ask where we were. We were in the wrong court. The court we should have attended was the Central London County Court, about four miles away across the busiest streets in the country and we were already five minutes late. We piled into various vehicles and eventually got to the right court over 45 minutes late. Our embarrassment was compounded by the fact that Croydon activist Bob Gertner had privately made his own way to the correct building on his own initiative.'

And these idiots want to run the country...

It's Caption Competition time...

As it's been ages since we had one, we thought it was time for another Caption Competition. One of the far-right forums pinched our idea, bloody cheek, so we thought we'd pinch their image but supply the anti-fascist captions that are always a good deal funnier than theirs. Go for it...

Nick Griffin's letter to Santa

Dear Santa

I don't see why adults - even those who are destined to become future Emperors of the Universe - should be precluded from presenting their list of Christmassy desires to Santa in the run-up to the festive season (which should be celebrated by ALL true Brits everywhere, by legal fiat, if necessary). If you're a Christian, you SHOULD be celebrating Christmas, and if you are NOT a Christian, you bloody well SHOULD be!

Here's my Christmas list for me and my friends in the BNP:

• A real legal qualification for the idiotic Lee Barnes, who thinks he's a barrister but is actually a madman who has only escaped the strait jacket because the BNP has given him a home (shouldn't we be paid for providing a public service?).
• An inflatable doll for Mark, whose inflated ego is too much for ALL his girlfriends (except particularly dim schoolies and Joey).
• I'd like a million pounds.
• A real MA (Hons) to go with the one I claim I've got but that I actually paid a few quid for on the quiet to upgrade my third-rate BA in fuck all of any interest. How come that traitor in Lancaster, Chris Hill, has a PhD, while I've only got a BA? That's not fair.
  
• Singing lessons for Joey Smith (who frankly sounds like a cat trapped under a washing machine).
• Continued DLA for my mate Clive Jefferson who is the hardest working disabled person I know. It's amazing how he claimed benefits for years yet was a bouncer - sorry, one of my excellent security team - and organised the well-oiled machine that is the NW region today despite pretending to need a swordstick - I mean, a walking stick - all the time. It's a shame they keep losing every by-election, or they'd be an example to all of us.
  
• I'd like to see Martin Reynolds, my fat and cuddly pervert of a security boss, lose a bit of weight so that he could stay with me when I'm rushing away from a hail of eggs.
• Talking of losing weight, I wish I could lose a bit. If I get much fatter, they'll be calling me and Martin Tweedledum and the other one.
• I'd like five million pounds.
• I'd like to see Arthur and whatever her name is fuck off to America. His book 'March of the Titans' is frankly crap and I'd be glad to see the back of him (and her, whatever her name is). Hang on a minute - didn't she post on her blog to say they were divorcing?
  
• I'd like to see the Very Reverend Pope Lord Sir Robert West begin to embrace Odinism. I'm sure he could fiddle it so that the Bible encouraged the worship of long-defunct Norse gods. This would please many of our followers (particularly that loony, Lee).
• I want to win in Barking. Dicky is an idiot and while he got to shag that rancid old clapped-out ballet dancer, that doesn't entitle him to be more popular than me. If I don't win, I'm going to be REALLY pissed off and I might very well encourage Bob Bailey to kill Barnbrook during one of his regular temper tantrums.
• I'd like Jimmy Dowson to teach me how to write a begging letter that works. The last one only earned us £4.85 so I suspect I'm not doing it right. Jimmy has told me he'll sell me the secrets of fund-raising for a mere £100,000 per year. Personally, I think that's a bargain and the members can afford it, the idiots.
• I'd like to know who Martin Wingfield is. People talk about him as if I should know him but I can't put a face to the name.
• I'd like to be a billionaire (and NOT in bloody euros).
• I'd like everyone in the party to pay me a million pounds for membership. I would then, because I am known to be generous, give them a FREE lifetime membership card and a tie-clip or tatty old watch in exchange. Paul Cromie could afford it - why doesn't HE give me a million, the fat bastard?
• I want to win in Barking because I haven't the foggiest idea where the North-West of England is. I went up to Newcastle and they'd never heard of me - they just kept saying 'why-aye' or something. Bloody foreigners. What's the matter with these people? Have they never heard of Agincourt?
• I want Simon Darby to go away and never come near me again. He frightens me. I think it's the eyebrows - they seem to lead a separate life from him - and I swear he records everything I say.
• And that reminds me. Don't get me wrong, I LIKE creeps and sycophants - but Paul Golding...he's just a little too much. He gets a bit creepy sometimes. It's like having a growth somewhere - you don't want to acknowledge it but it's always there and everyone knows it. And it smells funny...
  
• I'd like the British media to be kinder to me. After all, I am the head of a major compan - party, and I think I deserve respect, even if I am massively overweight and have started looking more like my pigs than is good for me. If the media starts dissing me, bro, I might has to pay back when I is in power, innit. Sorry, don't know what came over me then...
  
• I'd like those bastards at Lancaster Unity to pay for their insults - they described me as a fat, swivel-eyed loon once and it hurt me deeply. When I'm God, I shall have them all hung - or is it hanged, I can never remember? Anyway, ZOG and LU will pay for their many crimes. By the way, what the fuck is ZOG?
  
• I'd like to be richer than Warren Buffet and Bill Gates combined. And I will be if those moro - members will continue to subsid - support the party. What the hell kind of a name is Buffet anyway? Sounds foreign to me. French, I bet. God I'm hungry. Wonder if we've got any pork pies in the fridge?
• I'd like to wish for peace and a brain for David Hannam, who (much to my surprise) has a wife. It's not his fault that despite that, he's still attracted to a succession of old tarts (so am I - look at Martin Webster) and schoolgirls - just let him be a man. Although, don't let him near your accounts because he's fucking useless at cooking the books.
• Please don't anybody buy me anything from Great White Records this year. It's all shit - even the crap I wrote - and it's just getting worse. If I have to hear Joey Smith again, I swear I'll die, and Vera Lynn is driving me up the bloody wall. Fucking white cliffs of Dover...I hate them.
  
• I'd like to introduce Joey Owens to Tony Lecomber and Lee Barnes and then run away. I think there could be a critical mass if they all met and tried to talk bollocks at each other. It might give us all a laugh though.
• I want to be the richest man in the world. And I'm not leaving any sherry or mince pies out either. Mince pies are at least 14p each and the sherry has to be worth at least 40p. I'm not made of money (though I will be soon, if the sucke - membership keeps coughing up).
• I'd like a Rolls Royce. And a Maserati. And a Lamborghini. Though I'll only buy British, which could be a problem. Fuck it, I'll have a Mercedes instead. To hell with buying British.
• Andrew Brons told me once that his name was French. Is that allowed within the rules of our glorious party? Or have the EHRCRFHC forced us into changing our names now? Will I have to become Nicholas deGryff? Actually, I quite like the sound of that...
  
• And I want world peace. Did I say that already?
• And I have been a good boy. I think...
  

Signed
Nick Griffin

Image courtesy of this great thread on b3ta.

Barnbrook's apology for lying finally appears - after almost three months

Dicky Barnbrook and weak-bladdered friend at the hearing

More than a year after he blatantly lied to the electorate and nearly three months after a Barking and Dagenham Council disciplinary committee formally demanded that he apologise, pornmeister and pisshead Dicky Barnbrook has finally produced an apology - though clearly from between gritted teeth. Here it is, in all its glory:

'I would like to formally apologise in respect of statements I made in a video which was filmed during September 2008 and subsequently published.

In the video I said “In Barking and Dagenham alone, 3 weeks ago, there was a murder of a young girl. We don’t know who’s done it, her girlfriend was attacked outside an educational institute . Again, 2 weeks ago, there was another attack by knives on the streets of Barking and Dagenham where 2 people were murdered.”

These statements were unintentionally inaccurate and I apologise for giving out this information based on anecdotal reports and thereafter for not ensuring that the videos were removed or at least amended, once I knew the information to be incorrect. I have a passionate interest in the scourge of knife-crime which affects our whole community and will continue to speak out on the issue. I have no wish, however, to stoke fear of crime and realise the importance of conveying accurate information. I will seek to work far more closely with the Police and other agencies in future to ensure that I am able to do this.'

Barking and Dagenham suspended him during October, the Assembly censured him and ordered him to receive ethics training (which must have been a laugh to watch). It also demanded that he make a written apology which should appear on both the Assembly's website and his personal blog. Barking and Dagenham Council decided he must repeat the apology on his blog or risk the suspension being extended.

No Barking for Barnbrook

(Click on image to see it full-size)

BNP ballerina Simone Clarke now teaching children aged three

On its website, the new dancing school prominently proclaims that its teacher is a former principal dancer with the English National Ballet.

Oddly, however, it doesn't mention her name - perhaps because she is Simone Clarke, the ballerina who found herself at the centre of controversy three years ago when her membership of the British National Party was exposed. At the time anti-fascist demonstrators disrupted a performance of Giselle at the London Coliseum in which Miss Clarke, who was dubbed the 'BNP ballerina', took the starring role. Last week she appeared, surrounded by little girls of three and four in tutus, in the community hall in the village of Shadwell, near Leeds, where she runs the Yorkshire Ballet Academy.

Miss Clarke, 39, has been a leading figure in the far-Right BNP. She has shared a stage with leader Nick Griffin and was once engaged to one of the party's councillors, Richard Barnbrook - a man who claimed mixed-race children were 'washing out the identity of the country's indigenous people'. Miss Clarke's move into teaching comes as the Government is scrutinising the BNP's role in public life. It is said to be considering a ban on BNP members working as teachers in schools.

The Yorkshire Ballet Academy is a private dance school and she does not require licensing by the local authority.

Two years ago Miss Clarke appeared with Mr Griffin during a BNP 'Free Speech Evening' in Leicester and pledged: 'I will never, ever leave the BNP because they are the only people who can turn this country around.'

Next Thursday Mr Griffin will appear on the BBC's Question Time in the BNP's biggest media opportunity to date.

Miss Clarke retired from the English National Ballet after the outcry over her membership. In 2007 she was elected to the executive of the BNP-backed Solidarity trade union for a five-year term. Last night she was unavailable for comment.

Shadwell Hall treasurer David Parker, who rents the venue to her for £10 an hour, said: 'She didn't declare her politics. We have had no complaints or negativity. Whether or not the parents know about her views is up to them. I think like most of us our politics are separate from our normal lives.'

Mail Online

Nick Griffin Hears About the Barnbrook Case

Oh blimey, it's that bloody film again...

Barnbrook hearing being webcast now...

You can watch it here.

Dicky Barnbrook struts his funky stuff

Having been disdainfully dumped by the dancing diva, distinguished Discovery-director Dicky deigns to dance (!) with bottle-blond, bloody bad BNP balladeer Joey Barber/Smith.

Charles and Camilla avoid the BNP problem

Dicky Barnbrook - not welcome at the Prince's bash

The Prince of Wales and Duchess of Cornwall hosted a garden party at Clarence House this afternoon. Fortunately for the heir to the throne, a potentially embarassing encounter with the BNP was avoided.

The event was to promote London's Project YOU (Youth Organisations Uniform), a scheme to boost numbers of scouts, cadets and boys' brigades across the capital. I've discovered that every member of the 25-strong London Assembly was invited - apart from BNP member Richard Barnbrook. Royal sources confirm that he was definitely NOT on the guest list.

The invitations had been drawn up by Clarence House and the Lord Lieutenant of London in consultation with the youth groups themselves, as well as organisations such as the Metropolitan Police and Corporation of London.

Barnbrook came under fire earlier this year when he threatened to take BNP leader Nick Griffin with him to a Buckingham Palace garden party. Griffin backed out, but his London Assembly colleague did attend the event hosted by the Queen recently.

Labour group leader Len Duvall said: “The Prince of Wales has a fantastic record religious and racial harmony and deserves praise for not inviting a party which fundamentally disagrees with the multi-racial nature of London.”

Another Assembly member said: “It’s a bit of a relief that Barnbrook wasn't there.”

London Evening Standard

Secrecy row as BNP man attends a party at the Palace

Buckingham Palace and the Greater London Authority are under pressure to explain why a BNP member was last week allowed to attend a garden party hosted by the Queen.

The original invite to Richard Barnbrook, a member of the London Assembly for the far-right group, caused a storm of controversy but he had been expected to attend one of the Queen's annual gatherings next week. Yesterday, however, it emerged he attended last week's party at the Palace, sipping tea on the lawn within feet of the monarch.

Questions were raised yesterday over whether officials had misled the public to avoid further embarrassment, following the scandal that erupted when Barnbrook invited BNP leader Nick Griffin as his guest. Mr Griffin later decided not to attend.

Both the Palace and the Assembly allowed reports giving the incorrect date of Mr Barnbook's visit to be published.

Mr Barnbrook last night expressed surprise the occasion had passed without press interest, saying: 'I can only assume that the GLA and others wanted to try to keep my attendance under wraps.'

A spokesman for anti-fascist group Searchlight said: 'We were surprised to hear Richard Barnbrook's attendance at the garden party was kept so quiet. On a positive note, it appears Barnbrook has been sidelined by the BNP who clearly decided their attempts to make political capital out of the invitation in the first place backfired so heavily on them.'

Mail Online

Doctor Dicky blames Africa for swine flu

Dear old Dicky Barnbrook. As drunken buffoons go he's not so bad, even if he is a racist twat, and, if nothing else, he gives us all a laugh every now and again. In fact, sometimes he excels even himself, taking idiocy to a whole new level. As he did yesterday.

The Mirror reports that Doctor Dicky has made it his business to investigate the origins of the current swine flu pandemic - no doubt using the well-equipped laboratories and highly-qualified medical personnel at the BNP's disposal - and has come to the conclusion that the illness could well originate from 'the countries of Africa', not Mexico as all other medical experts around the world have stated after examining all the evidence.

Consequently, pornmeister Dicky is calling for half-hour medicals on all foreigners who arrive in Britain and cough, sneeze or have a runny nose, and suggests that all schools should close for two weeks. Oh yes, and that all councils turn off their air-conditioning.

This is not the first time that Doctor Dicky has taken on the medical establishment. A couple of years ago, he claimed that his bout of tuberculosis, contracted on a visit to Turkey, was actually caused by immigrants, backing up this claim by stating that TB had been eradicated in the UK 'donkey's years ago'.

This insane (and completely untrue) claim was pooh-poohed by Paul Sommerfeld of the charity TB Alert, who pointed out that tuberculosis had more to do with poverty and living conditions than country of origin.

He said: 'It is clear TB is endemic to the UK...one of the biggest issues is the distinction between infection and active disease - many more people are infected than develop it because it is dealt with by their immune system. When their immune system is lowered they get the active disease - and that could be 50 years later. They could have actually become infected in the 40s or 50s when the disease was very, very common. The majority of recent immigrants who get TB tend to have been here upwards of two years. That suggests they did not have raging TB when they arrived but it is the conditions in Britain which led them to develop it. They could be living in poor, overcrowded conditions where their chances of catching TB are much higher. It is a disease of the poor rather than a disease of immigrants'.

There are two key facts that Dicky chose to ignore when attempting to attack immigrants for TB;

• Tuberculosis was NEVER wiped out in Britain, despite doctors finding an antibiotics cure more than 50 years ago.
• Cases here have NEVER fallen below 5,000 a year. Half of all TB diagnosed is in British people that were born in the UK.

Whether the Dicky and the BNP like it or not, swine flu appears to have originated in Mexico and its spread to other countries appears to have been via those returning from Mexico, not 'the countries of Africa'.

Which all goes to show that dumbass Dicky is perfect for the BNP - he'll never let the facts get in the way of passing the buck on to immigrants. Or as a spokesman for Searchlight put it; 'Only the BNP would try to hijack a global pandemic in an effort to promote their agenda of division and hate'.

Dicky Barnbrook found moonlighting as mobile kissogram

Poor old Dicky. Always the bridesmaid but never the bride.

Discarded by his clog-dancing ex-fake fiancée Simone Clarke, dumped by someone he claimed to have shagged via the internet and left with only an unidentified item of intimate apparel that he claims once belonged to the unfortunate Tilda Swinton, he now leads a lonely and unutterably tedious life, brightened only by the consumption of vast quantities of alcohol and the occasional fight with a Welsh rugby player.

Constantly laughed and pointed at in the street for his bizarre taste in shabby suits and his peculiarly Mark Collett-like sideburns, the laughter follows the intrepid Dicky into the London Assembly, where he talks gibberish simply because it amuses Mayor Boris Johnson, and shares the odd sandwich with Bill Oddie David Bellamy Simon Darby, crap naturalist and pretend researcher.

But Dicky's dull, repetitive life may be about to change. After a triumphant demonstration yesterday outside the home of Home Secretary Jacqui Smith, which drew a massive crowd of er, four idiots and for some obscure reason a half-naked female, Dicky has decided to come out to Lancaster Unity. No, not about that. He has at last confessed that he has been surviving on his pitiful pay as an Assembly Member by moonlighting as a mobile kissogram.

Although he's only been doing the job for the past three months, so far he has been able to tuck a staggering 23p (and a dented euro) away into his pension fund. Rather more successful is his ongoing bet with Nick Griffin to introduce spontaneous and unnecessary new words into the English language. At yesterday's disastrous demo, he managed this gem;

'...this taxpayer's money should not be used on frivolicies.'

Bravo, Dicky. That almost, but not quite, makes sense.

It's the Christmas BNP fugly contest (with a sexy T-shirt display thrown in)

Click on the image if you can bear to enlarge it

One of our readers made the suggestion several weeks ago that we should have an ugly BNP competition to tie in with the fact that BNP voters are the thickest around. This seemed like an excellent idea, so here they are. After weeks of deliberation by our panel of judges at a secret location somewhere near Lancaster, we've managed to cull the many suggestions down to a mere eleven of the BNP's astonishing collection of grotesques.

Some of them may not look too bad to the untrained eye but we've given them a high rating because they're vile on the inside even if presenting a relatively passable face to the world (rather like the BNP itself, in fact).

We're not posting on Christmas Day (unless something interesting like Nick Griffin and Mark Collett eloping happens) so we've got a couple of days for you to add your votes to the poll over on the top-right of the page. Take a good close look at these creatures of the night, then cast your votes (multiple voting allowed, by the way) and we'll see who the winner is after the nut roast has been digested.

Here they are then, from top-left...

1. Mark Collett: commonly referred to as a rat-faced little bastard (even inside the BNP), Collett is the unrepentant star of Young, Nazi and Proud and Russell Brand's Nazi Boy but has achieved more recent notoriety for trying to smuggle a couple of underage girls into the BNP's conference hotel along with Nick Griffin's pet moron Dave Hannam.
2. Clive Jefferson: he of the dodgy number plates and the look that suggests he's about to haul off and kill someone for tonight's dinner. Is bidding to become the BNP's Head of Security over the disgraced and useless pervert Martin Reynolds.
3. Dicky Barnbrook: the BNP's representative on the London Assembly, Dicky's drunken mishaps and sober stupidities are the delight of anti-fascists everywhere. His latest cock-up is to claim a number of murders in his borough that never actually happened. What a dick.
4. Nik Eriksen: an all-round piece of shit really. It was he who claimed that women were more troubled by bag theft than rape.
5. Lee Barnes: worryingly disturbed legal beagle for the BNP - created a stir both within and without the party when he went too far in attacking the late Rachel Whitear.
6. Mike Ashburner: his main claim to fame is that he's stood for the BNP in Barrow about four hundred times and failed dismally every time. Give it up, Mike, you're only embarrassing yourself.
7. Paul Cromie: Bradford BNP councillor and repeatedly tainted by sleaze allegations, including his giving fivers to 200 pensioners living in sheltered accomodation just before his wife was due to be elected, and slinging around emails containing porn. The Standards Board might have let him off but he's still bloody ugly.
8. Nick Griffin: leader of the BNP, Holocaust-denier, racist and general all-round vile bastard, he deserves to win any contest that disparages or insults him - not that I'm biased, you understand.
9. Lynne Mozar: star of the Sky TV documentary, BNP Wives. Utterly disgusting and probably certifiably insane. Who can forget her lunatic babbling as the programme opened? Not us, so here it is. 'The British National Party is my baby. It's not, not necessarily my family's or my husband's or anyone elses, it's mine. All mine. My own. For me. And I love it...mine. [cackle, cackle] All mine! [more cackling]'. Etc.
10. Linda Cromie: I'm saying nothing...
11. Gnasher: I gather this picture was taking just after a wasp flew into her mouth. Or was it just after she'd eaten a lemon? Whichever, she doesn't look a happy bunny, does she? Not surprising really - she's married to serial loser Mike Ashburner.

Oh yes, I nearly forgot the sexy T-shirt display. Here they are - two fine examples of the master race dressed in their finest (if not their cleanest) outfits. Just be grateful this isn't a wet T-shirt competition and you've been spared the horror of seeing these two showing off all their rippling er, musculature.

It's Christmas. Time to get that washing powder out again, lads.

Okay, vote away, people. And do all have a great Christmas. We've got busy times ahead of us in 2009, so now's the time to relax. Have fun. :-)

And the clear and resounding winner is...Mark Collett (which shouldn't really suprise anybody). Well done Mark, your popularity just shines through.

A well-deserved win and the prize (the book 'Bad Haircuts for Freaks and Pervs' by acclaimed nobody Jonathan Bowden (not to be confused with any other Jonathan Bowden who may or may not be a complete nobody) will be winging its way to you sometime this century (probably).

The complete poll results are posted above. Thank you everyone who voted. :-)

Dicky hits the cider after week of chaos

We spotted Dicky in the Canden's Head yesterday lunchtime, knocking back the Magner's Cider like it was going out of fashion, pissed out of his brains and trying to locate a dye house so he could change the colour of his suit and thus give the impression that the Oxfam rubbish bin shop had once again received his custom this decade.

Poor old Dicky. Chaos in Barking and Dagenham council chamber, caught out telling porkies about knife crime in the borough and back on the booze again.

He might be a crap councillor and Assembly member but a least he's always good for a laugh, bless him.

Dicky Barnbrook learns to ride a bike

Click on the image for full-size

As the BNP and co aren't doing anything interesting enough to write about today, we'll have a caption competition: no prizes but let's have a few interesting (and not obscene) captions for this lovely picture of Dicky and, er, some fruit. On a bike.