The new Mobile BNP Cardboard Box Appeal

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The BNP has another appeal on the go. We were sent the amended version of the appeal before the cleaned-up version hit the BNP's website.

Can you help? We need several thousand pounds to fully exploit the gullibility generosity of our members.

Those of you who have read our highly misleading sometimes bizarre completely inaccurate accounts will realise the laughable bloody funny tremendous financial problems we face. All of these — and more — can be solved with the pretend purchase of a custom-built cardboard box, as per the illustration.

This box contains absolutely nothing only pure Anglo-Saxon air so is highly portable, meaning it can be taken anywhere! Anything can be put in it, though it will probably be used mostly to hide illicit booze at the Red, White and Blue next weekend or perhaps to carry the cash takings from the RWB from the table at the gate and the various tents to Nick's car boot for carrying stuff around.

Although most cardboard boxes are generally cheap and plentiful, this box is made to our extra super-high standards, as demanded by that prat our highly-trained cardboard box expert Mark Wallet Collett, and is thus more expensive than the standard box. This should lead to a longer life, not only for the box but for you, the suckers BNP membership.

We need to increase the pressure and keep up the momentum. We are succeeding and we will continue to do so, but we must do so in the best possible light - our professionalism must shine through. If we carry on as we are, this time next year, we'll be millionaires bankrupt in Croatia in Parliament.

This is why we need the Cardboard Box. We need to be professional, we need to be organised, we need to be prepared. But most of all, we need a large box to save on wear and tear on Nick's wallet!

The possibilities of cardboard boxes are only limited by our imagination. This is a great opportunity and a fantastic advance upon which that we simply cannot afford to miss out. This medium gives us the ability to carry any reasonable-size objects for almost any distance - in a box.

We can challenge the opposition to debate with us in live discussions about boxes - and either beat them or expose them if they refuse. We can interview the public on the streets or “doorstep” opponents about their box expertise - or as Nick put it, their boxpertise, ho-ho. We can expose the media’s bullying and lies to the world. We can show them up for what they really are and we can showcase the British National Party as the positive force it really is. It has a box - what more can it possibly need to run the country?

Please cough up you tight bastards make a donation, and make Nick rich take us one small step closer to his retirement in Croatia making this next advance in our rise to success happen sooner rather than later.

We can get this box for just three thousand pounds. Okay, we were shown to be trying to con you over the Truth Truck but it's time to put that behind us. And the bus. And all the other stuff. This is a genuine box and a genuine fundraiser. Give us your £3000 and we WILL buy a cardboard box.

Probably.

And for Lancaster Unity's readers, who must be wondering what this is all about, read this and remember that a lot of the wording above is genuine. Obviously this is just a piss-take but the final line of the real BNP appeal made me laugh.

"This figure will increase dramatically once we really harness the potential of the the tool we have in our hands."

I wonder who thought that one up?