December 24, 2008

It's the Christmas BNP fugly contest (with a sexy T-shirt display thrown in)

Click on the image if you can bear to enlarge it
One of our readers made the suggestion several weeks ago that we should have an ugly BNP competition to tie in with the fact that BNP voters are the thickest around. This seemed like an excellent idea, so here they are. After weeks of deliberation by our panel of judges at a secret location somewhere near Lancaster, we've managed to cull the many suggestions down to a mere eleven of the BNP's astonishing collection of grotesques.

Some of them may not look too bad to the untrained eye but we've given them a high rating because they're vile on the inside even if presenting a relatively passable face to the world (rather like the BNP itself, in fact).

We're not posting on Christmas Day (unless something interesting like Nick Griffin and Mark Collett eloping happens) so we've got a couple of days for you to add your votes to the poll over on the top-right of the page. Take a good close look at these creatures of the night, then cast your votes (multiple voting allowed, by the way) and we'll see who the winner is after the nut roast has been digested.

Here they are then, from top-left...
  1. Mark Collett: commonly referred to as a rat-faced little bastard (even inside the BNP), Collett is the unrepentant star of Young, Nazi and Proud and Russell Brand's Nazi Boy but has achieved more recent notoriety for trying to smuggle a couple of underage girls into the BNP's conference hotel along with Nick Griffin's pet moron Dave Hannam.
  2. Clive Jefferson: he of the dodgy number plates and the look that suggests he's about to haul off and kill someone for tonight's dinner. Is bidding to become the BNP's Head of Security over the disgraced and useless pervert Martin Reynolds.
  3. Dicky Barnbrook: the BNP's representative on the London Assembly, Dicky's drunken mishaps and sober stupidities are the delight of anti-fascists everywhere. His latest cock-up is to claim a number of murders in his borough that never actually happened. What a dick.
  4. Nik Eriksen: an all-round piece of shit really. It was he who claimed that women were more troubled by bag theft than rape.
  5. Lee Barnes: worryingly disturbed legal beagle for the BNP - created a stir both within and without the party when he went too far in attacking the late Rachel Whitear.
  6. Mike Ashburner: his main claim to fame is that he's stood for the BNP in Barrow about four hundred times and failed dismally every time. Give it up, Mike, you're only embarrassing yourself.
  7. Paul Cromie: Bradford BNP councillor and repeatedly tainted by sleaze allegations, including his giving fivers to 200 pensioners living in sheltered accomodation just before his wife was due to be elected, and slinging around emails containing porn. The Standards Board might have let him off but he's still bloody ugly.
  8. Nick Griffin: leader of the BNP, Holocaust-denier, racist and general all-round vile bastard, he deserves to win any contest that disparages or insults him - not that I'm biased, you understand.
  9. Lynne Mozar: star of the Sky TV documentary, BNP Wives. Utterly disgusting and probably certifiably insane. Who can forget her lunatic babbling as the programme opened? Not us, so here it is. 'The British National Party is my baby. It's not, not necessarily my family's or my husband's or anyone elses, it's mine. All mine. My own. For me. And I love it...mine. [cackle, cackle] All mine! [more cackling]'. Etc.
  10. Linda Cromie: I'm saying nothing...
  11. Gnasher: I gather this picture was taking just after a wasp flew into her mouth. Or was it just after she'd eaten a lemon? Whichever, she doesn't look a happy bunny, does she? Not surprising really - she's married to serial loser Mike Ashburner.
Oh yes, I nearly forgot the sexy T-shirt display. Here they are - two fine examples of the master race dressed in their finest (if not their cleanest) outfits. Just be grateful this isn't a wet T-shirt competition and you've been spared the horror of seeing these two showing off all their rippling er, musculature.

It's Christmas. Time to get that washing powder out again, lads.
Okay, vote away, people. And do all have a great Christmas. We've got busy times ahead of us in 2009, so now's the time to relax. Have fun. :-)

And the clear and resounding winner is...Mark Collett (which shouldn't really suprise anybody). Well done Mark, your popularity just shines through.

A well-deserved win and the prize (the book 'Bad Haircuts for Freaks and Pervs' by acclaimed nobody Jonathan Bowden (not to be confused with any other Jonathan Bowden who may or may not be a complete nobody) will be winging its way to you sometime this century (probably).

The complete poll results are posted above. Thank you everyone who voted. :-)


anon said...

A fine selection of lunatics and sleazeballs.

Mike said...

"It's Christmas. Time to get that washing powder out again, lads."

LOL And they've got the nerve to call us scruffy fuckers?!?

Anonymous said...

Collet don't seem too popular.

Flakey said...

"Collet don't seem too popular."

Goes to show just how many BNP are voting on here as he is most hated amongst his own kind. Still I guess its an achievement of sorts, about the only he's ever made! And ever likely to.

A serial underachiever -works hard at it too

Dicky Barnbrook(Artist) said...


I am gorgeous. The people of London flock to me for my good looks.

Hugh he impoverished paedophile and I both voted for Mark Collet, by the way.

That's what he gets for shagging my beard, the delightful ballet dancer with the mixed race child.

Cllr Lawrence Rustem said...

I may be an ethnic but I am much better looking than any of those honkies.

Ermmm... said...

Gnasher? Surely not.

Anonymous said...

"I am gorgeous. The people of London flock to me for my good looks."

It must be true. They certainly don't flock to him for his brains.

Anonymous said...

Why did I click to enlarge the photos? I have just puked all over my keyboard. Thanks.

Antifascist said...

'Why did I click to enlarge the photos? I have just puked all over my keyboard. Thanks.'

LOL Sorry. I meant to put a public health warning up but forgot.

Anonymous said...

Sexy T Shirt display???? Blimey.

Anonymous said...

Yw Gods - Behold the master race !

Old Sailor

Mingers Mercilless said...

The BNP is indeed a party of mingers.

deludedidiot said...

Get used to these people's portraits - this will be the cabinet after the BNP sweep to power at the next General Election.

Now, which portfolio for each .... ?

Anonymous said...

Nope, no good. Have beer goggles on but they still look ugly as fuck. Luckily I have a vomit bucket next to me so I don't puke on my keyboard again.

Anonymous said...

"Gnasher? Surely not."

I think her name is Tash. Not that that's much better.

"Get used to these people's portraits - this will be the cabinet after the BNP sweep to power at the next General Election."


Denise G said...

Lynne Mozar... cor...

lormarie said...

As far as I'm concerned, pic number ONE wins the fugly contest by a landslide.

Anonymous said...

Ok ok, in the interest of science and all that I drank even more, and STILL they are the most hideously ugly bunch of bastids I've ever seen. Sorry.

Anonymous said...

I see prominent BNP blogger Green Arrow is having a rant about "the Jews, Hindus, Sikhs and all the other colonisers of Our Land."

BNP not anti-Semitic?!

I love Lee Barnes said...

Lunatic Barnes should be done for plagiarism, he is a total prick who should be banged to rights for infringing copyright of the many far more talented writers and researchers who do a proper job.

The crap book he claims he is writing features such marvellous literary material like this:

"The Brent field supplies oil via the Brent System pipeline to the oil refining terminal at Sullom Voe, while North Sea gas is piped through the FLAGS pipeline until it comes ashore at St. Fergus on the north east coast of Scotland. The first platform put in place in the Brent Field was the concrete legged "Condeep" Brent Bravo in 1975 and this was followed by the oil platform the Brent Delta. The platform produces an average of 10,000 barrels per day of oil and 16 million cubic feet of gas per day. The waters in which it sits are around 40m deep ,460feet."

Any reader still asleep after this can check the facts against the following:

"The field supplies oil via the Brent System pipeline to the terminal at Sullom Voe, while gas is piped through the FLAGS pipeline ashore at St. Fergus on the north east coast of Scotland.
etc etc ...................

The Brent field is exploited by 4 oil platforms in an irregular SSW-NNE line. The first in place was the concrete legged "Condeep" Brent Bravo in 1975, followed by the concrete legged Brent Delta, Brent Charlie and steel-jacket Brent-A (as of 2004, the platform still produces oil through a manifold all Brent Alpha fluids are produced across to Brent Bravo). "

Sounds familiar?

Barnes - you pathetic c*nt get a proper job and stop stealing other peoples' work.

Anonymous said...

Clive Jefferson, Who is on Incapacity Benifits leaflets every day for the BNP. Its about time we all sent in photo's of this Scrounging twat to the DHSS.

Billy Bookmaker said...

The people in the photographs are not the usual fairly pathetic retired model aeroplane enthusiasts who make up the bulk of the BNP membership. The people in the photographs are the hardcore BNP head bangers, people who have the cheek to want us to elect them to public office. The people in the photographs are the people who are applying to us the electorate, for public money.

Whether or not the supposed disenfranchisement of the white working classes is real or imaginary, no reasonable person would want to be represented by the likes of Paul Cromie, Lee Barnes or Nick Griffin.

Cromie reportedly likes to be photographed ‘interfering’ with himself. Barnes is a pathetic fantasist, whose bright idea is to get people to join the BNP to avoid jury service. And Nick Griffin is reported to have serious brain damage because of irremovable bits of lead gunshot in his brain.

Gunshot wounds to the side of the head suggest failed suicide attempts. Didn’t a Tory MP once kill himself by dressing in women’s underwear and strangling himself on a kitchen table? Apparently you have the best orgasm of your life shortly before death by strangulation. What would the betting be, that the next bit of BNP publicity is some BNP head banger killing himself? 6-4 Cromie, 5-2 Barnes and 3-1 Griffin?