March 02, 2010

Excalibur - what's new in the world of crap?

Excalibur - rubbish for all occasions
If there is one thing that the BNP can be relied upon for, it is that it embraces the grotesque in the guise of patriotism, and nowhere is this more apparent than in the catalogue of disasters that is the Excalibur stock list.

For some strange reason (possibly to do with the recent full moon), I found myself perusing the delightful 'What's New' section at the Excalibur site. It was rather like stepping into Harrods - everything was gaudy, overpriced and on many levels deeply offensive. Yet there is a compulsion to go on looking and a feeling akin to that you had when you were a kid and you picked at a scab on your knee. You know it's going to hurt, it's certainly not going to get any better and yet the lure of mingled pain and revulsion is irresistable.

Bizarrely, I expected Excalibur to have made some small concessions to the possibility that non-whites may have suffered a complete mental collapse and joined up after the recent rule change that finally allows them to become members of the party that has been slagging them off and lying about them for years. I was disappointed (though not entirely unexpectedly). The white mug is still there, as is the 'Golly Collection'. And the interminable (and terminally boring) tomes by Arthur Kemp, proving over and over again that the white man is superior in every way to anyone anywhere of any other colour ever, so there.

The white man - in the form of the third-rate market-stall trader Arthur Kemp - is certainly superior in stocking cheap crap for his gullible bargain-hunting customers to waste their hard-earned readies on. Here's an example, and I make no apologies to the companies who produce this rubbish (which, I'm told, are Chinese).
Tudor Educational Colouring Postcards A set of 4 colouring postcards with Tudor images on the front and a postcard design on the reverse with educational information. Each pack is supplied with 6 [very short] pencils.
There's far worse. Last year's Red, White and Blue, the BNP's annual piss-up and golly-burning weekend, was a disaster for the party. Even though it was the tenth RWB and was much publicised in party bulletins, it was poorly attended and, we're told, lost a great deal of money. It was also met by a massive demonstration by anti-fascists. Thus, the party is still trying to flog off all the T-shirts and badges it couldn't find buyers for at the RWB, nearly a year later. Free badge or not - it's still shite.
Special Offer: RWB 2009 T-Shirt and Badge
£10 Size Small
Buy both official RWB 2009 T-Shirt and Badge together for just £10 postage and packaging included.
Naturally, the What's New section of Excalibur has books about Spitfires, Vikings, the evils of multi-culturalism - and an idea they nicked from us and our Yearbook - Headline: The Best of BNP News. Cheeky buggers. But tat and tackiness win the day, and this little delight should win a prize for the ghastliest piece of merchandise seen this year.
Union Jack Tie A smart tie containing a pattern made up of Union flags. Eyecatching.
Eye-watering, certainly. The worst is, however, reserved for last. In the interests of, no doubt, welcoming non-whites into the party, the BNP greets them with what can only be construed as a not so subtle warning should Nick Griffin ever become Queen.
Queen Elizabeth I's Blackamoore Expulsion Order It is not widely known that between 1596 and 1601, Queen Elizabeth I ordered the expulsion of all non-indigenous Third World people, whom she called "blackamoores" from Britain. Now, for the first time ever, Excalibur is proud to exclusively offer reproductions of the original expulsion orders...Both original handwritten orders have been reproduced in full on fine quality thick paper, suitable for framing or display.
Why? Why would anyone be 'proud' to offer a reproduction of an expulsion order for blacks, even if it is four hundred years old? Only a complete moron would want to have such a thing framed and hanging in his home and only a party that is unrepentantly and blatantly racist to the core would ever dream of selling such garbage.

What's new in Excalibur's world of crap? Not a lot really - but it certainly is all crap.

32 comments:

Anonymous said...

RWB t-shirts, size small?? No wonder they didn't sell.

I presume XXXL t-shirts flew off the shelves.........

bmb said...

Union Jack Tie A smart tie containing a pattern made up of Union flags. Eyecatching.

Eye-watering, certainly.

Jeez, my eyes, my eyes.....

Anonymous said...

i must be a moron then, i've got two hanging in my house.

Anonymous said...

Simon Darby said:-
My knee is playing up today so that put me out of action with regards work up in Stoke.

No the real reason is he know Abli Walker will beat him in the Stoke general Elections.

Darby's activist need to know that the wanker is skiving their is fuck all up with the queer boys knee.

J. Barr said...

"Yet there is a compulsion to go on looking and a feeling akin to that you had when you were a kid and you picked at a scab on your knee. You know it's going to hurt, it's certainly not going to get any better and yet the lure of mingled pain and revulsion is irresistable."

Funny stuff. :)

Kevin said...

there was a couple of nazi's in my local pub bragging about everything but also being very detrimental to herr Jefferson and saying how much money he is stealing from the party .
One interesting snippet i did manage to overhear was where the north west head office is.
Western Bank Industrial Estate, Wigton, Cumbria CA7 9SJ .
Sometimes it pays to just sit quietly and listen ;)

Anonymous said...

Isn't Arthir Kemp in charge of Excalibur now?
Interesting to see what the lofty peaks of attainment the uber-race climb.

Anonymous said...

"i must be a moron then, i've got two hanging in my house."

You've gone way beyond being a moron.

Anonymous said...

Excalibur really does show the BNP up as racist and pathetic, like we didn't know that.

Kev Scott love the jam said...

Anonymous said...

i must be a moron then, i've got two hanging in my house.


What!!!!!!! 2 Arthur Kemps.......... are they not getting a bit smelly (ier)?

Zebedee said...

"Here's an example, and I make no apologies to the companies who produce this rubbish (which, I'm told, are Chinese)."

So are most of the T-shirts.

Nicker Griffin said...

How I love the BNP, they're so easy to take the piss out of.

Anonymous said...

Excalibur makes no money for the BNP it just keeps south african Kemp and his wife in Luxury

Anonymous said...

Alias ""CLIVE JEFFERSON""

taken from VNNforum

I’ve just been in touch, with some “real people” on the ground in Cockermouth, Cumbria, and not silly ill - informed one’s on here, that Mr Clive Jefferson can’t go in certain parts of Cumbria? This is due to certain people not being very happy with him? This may explain why he changed his name from Aitken to Jefferson? Now when he reads this he will know what I’m referring too. Anyone involved in drugs, past or present I can find out almost anything about them. The one good thing about having plenty of friends who are criminals is, their ability to find anyone anywhere in the country. If they haven’t personally heard of them, they know someone who has.

...More to come on the nefarious activities of Mr Clive Jefferson.

Biscuit Muncher said...

Good article (and funny), ta.

Anonymous said...

"Excalibur - what's new in the world of crap?"

YOU SHOULD KNOW.

Anonymous said...

"i must be a moron then, i've got two hanging in my house."

Yep, you ARE a moron. And a racist.

ha ha said...

Don't the BNP sell cummerbunds???

Anonymous said...

"Union Jack Tie A smart tie containing a pattern made up of Union flags. Eyecatching."

Surely that's a joke. Nobody would be pratt enough to wear one would they?

It's just occured to me that I've never seen Nick Griffin in one of these. How unpatriotic of him.

Antifascist said...

'"Excalibur - what's new in the world of crap?"

YOU SHOULD KNOW.'

Well, yes. I've been on the Excalibur site. I did explain that.

Twat.

Anonymous said...

"Queen Elizabeth I's Blackamoore Expulsion Order"

Wank material for BNP bigots!

Antifascist said...

'...More to come on the nefarious activities of Mr Clive Jefferson.'

Keep us informed. Intriguing stuff.

Toady said...

"The worst is, however, reserved for last. In the interests of, no doubt, welcoming non-whites into the party, the BNP greets them with what can only be construed as a not so subtle warning should Nick Griffin ever become Queen."

I thought he already was. Didn't Martin Webster mention it once or twice?

Anonymous said...

Ummm - apparently Mr Kemp no longer has a wife - seems the second one has also packed her bags and gone back to the US of A!

Anonymous said...

"Excalibur - what's new in the world of crap?"

Lots more crap.

Fashionista said...

Does Dicky buy his suits at Excalibur?

Anonymous said...

"Ummm - apparently Mr Kemp no longer has a wife - seems the second one has also packed her bags and gone back to the US of A!"

Another marriage down the toilet, eh?

I always thought the mark of a "racially superior Aryan being" was their ability to maintain a traditional 'nuclear' family.

Kemp seems to fallen down on that score!

Anonymous said...

"I thought he already was. Didn't Martin Webster mention it once or twice?"

Ha Ha! Maybe when Griffin gets up to speak, the meeting chairperson should say, "All rise for the Queen's speech!"

Anonymous said...

"Does Dicky buy his suits at Excalibur?"

No he gets them at Primark for £30 each but he does buy novelty rubber stopper condoms from Excalibur, they do a fecthing Union Flag design.

La Di Da Gunner Graham said...

Camp, cheezy, kitsh, Nazi, gay,fluffy,and lovely.

Shame we're mostly ugly! Gay Nazis love BNP queers!
xxx

Anonymous said...

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1254519/National-Front-consulted-Ed-Balls-race-policy-schools.html

Obviosly couldn't ask the BNP in case anyone found out.

Anonymous said...

A party that always proclaims its Britishness has failed to notice that Queen Elizabeth I was only Quuen of england and not the whole of Britain.