March 17, 2010

Complete nobody reforms unknown band

Joey Smith (right) and another nonentity reform unknown band
Okay, hands-up all those who have heard of Joey Smith outside the stuff we've written about him here at Lancaster Unity? No-one? What about the newly-reformed band 2be? Nobody at all? I thought not.

To be honest, we've never had much reason to write about this nobody, though we thought he might rise to become a somebody when he referred to Dewsbury (where he was standing for the BNP in a by-election) as a slum and then appeared on Radio 1 to be racist and talk bollocks with his great pal, naziboy Mark Collett.

If you want to discover anything about anybody, the place to go is, naturally, Google, so I searched for Joey Smith there. Oddly, apart from a couple of items from us, a few from the BNP and a bunch via the BNP's rubbishy Great White Records site, nobody appears to have the foggiest idea who Joey Smith is. Poor old Joey doesn't even seem to have a page on Facebook or MySpace - not an essential in life but I'd have thought it would be useful to a megastar of his talent. But then he isn't a megastar and he doesn't have any talent. Which makes one wonder why the BNP is lauding the reformation of 2be (Joey and one of his mates) as the best thing since, er, Wham.

Maybe it has something to do with the fact that Smith has just taken over the running of the dire Great White Records, the failed attempt at making Nick Griffin rich through flogging so-called 'nationalist' music to the gullible. Most of the tracks available via GWR seem to have been penned by Griffin himself, which is far from being a recommendation.

GWR and its sister organisation, the BNP's tat-flogging arm Excalibur, are peculiar business models. Both were set up by the BNP at great - indeed, extortionate - expense. GWR, for example, was said to have cost the membership around £50,000 and costs around £2,000 per month to run - an extraordinary amount for a business that sells less, we're told, than ten items each week. Formerly run by the miniature moron who is now the party's treasurer, Dave Hannam, it's obvious to anyone who has ever seen a set of accounts that GWR is a disaster and one wonders why a party that can't even run a small business can think itself capable of running the hugely complex UK economy.

Anyway, back to the staggeringly awful Joey Smith. Smith was briefly famous last year for producing a musical rebuttal to Lily Allen's anti-BNP song 'Fuck you'. I haven't got a lot of time for Lily Allen but anyone who is prepared to state publicly that they loathe the BNP and all it stands for gets my vote and the song itself is pretty jolly. Enjoy...


Smith's response was one of the worst pieces of music I've ever heard accompanied by one of the shittiest bits of film (starring the revolting Mark Collett) I've ever had the misfortune to come across. Why the hell anyone regards Smith as a singer is beyond me - he sounds like a dog in a blender. You can cringe your way through it below...


Smith's biography on the GWR site isn't all that enlightening, nor is it entirely coherent. Take this sample:
'After leaving school he joined various bands before establishing "2BE" with his best friend, a mildly sucessful cabaret duo in his home county of West Yorkshire.'
In fact it seems that Smith dossed around on the dole (except for a brief stint in this unknown band comprising of himself and one other person - or possibly two) until he heard about former BNP-supporter Colin Auty, whose only claim to fame is that he stood against Nick Griffin in a half-hearted leadership challenge. Auty produced another 'nationalist' song in which he bemoaned the fact that England wasn't actually the country thick with village cricket matches, tea on the lawn and country houses that Nick Griffin would have us believe it should be, but a diverse and rich country that embraces multiculturalism. Smith contacted Auty and was immediately grabbed for GWR as an emerging 'talent' of the nationalist music scene (if such a scene could be said to exist).

Since then, Smith's career - never anything to write home about - has taken a nosedive. Weekly sales of his album have dropped to zero and nothing else on the GWR label appears to be selling either. Thus the huge fuss that is being made by the BNP about 2be. And what about 2be? Are we about to discover that 2be are the best band to enter the musical fray since Florence and the Machine? I doubt it. Given that they were still around in their original incarnation in 2006, this 'headline' band doesn't seem to have even a single mention on the internet, beyond the BNP and GWR's own pages and those that pick up those pages as news items.

The BNP has put its leaflet design and printing almost entirely into the hands of Mark Collett, an idiot noted for his constant stream of disasters, from printing leaflets without imprints that the law demands, to chatting up schoolgirls at the BNP conference a couple of years ago. Then it hands over its tat-flogging Excalibur arm to Arthur Kemp, an incompetent though prolific author of white supremacist crap and disastrous husband/father, who has no idea how to run a business that has already collapsed. And finally, it hands over another failed business to a failed singer and attempts to regenerate that business by reforming a failed band. You couldn't make this stuff up if you tried.

We'll let Joey Smith have the last word (more or less):
'I promise you this is just the begining [sic], there's loads more to come.'
Well, there'd better be. There's been very little so far.

29 comments:

Anonymous said...

"Smith's response was one of the worst pieces of music I've ever heard"

You're right, its crap!

John P said...

Dave Ealesand is the other one apparently.

SP said...

"Dave Ealesand is the other one apparently."

Never heard of him. Antifascist is right - a nonentity.

Ex member of the BNP now a non voter said...

According to David Hannam abiout six months ago, Great White Records is dead. He was deeply depressed about it though I don't see why as long as the membership was still paying his fucking wages. Thats one of the reasons I haven't bothered renewing my membership. I don't see any point in giving the party money just to provide a job for some unemployable little wanker like Hannam or Joey bloody Barber/Smith.

Anonymous said...

The frog on the film is a LOT better looking than Joey the tart.

Frankie said...

Anyone remember this little gem with Joey Smith and Dicky Bumcrack?
http://lancasteruaf.blogspot.com/2009/09/dicky-barnbrook-struts-his-funky-stuff.html

Rupert Murdoch said...

"Complete nobody reforms unknown band"

I'm not sure if that's the best or worst headline I've ever seen.....

Workingman said...

Can anyone enlighten me as to what 2BE stands for or means ?

Two Bell Ends?
Two Bad Eggs ?
Two Big Egos ?
Two Bent EDL ?

Jace said...

"he sounds like a dog in a blender"

Ketlan you bastard i nearly choked to death when i read that. lol

Anonymous said...

"Smith's response was one of the worst pieces of music I've ever"

What? Worse than Ian Stuart -Donaldson of Skrewdriver?

Anonymous said...

2BE stands for 2 Bad Ears!

Anonymous said...

They say the devil has the best tunes but I can't think of one decent Right wing (or Far Right wing) band or singer. The Left has produced some great popular music going back to Woody Guthrie but the Right's efforts have been roundly shite.

Anonymous said...

"but the Right's efforts have been roundly shite."

Be honest though, I can't quite see Top Of The Pops extending an invite to any right wing bands, not even "Nick Griffin and The Boneheads".

Anonymous said...

What a pair of losers.

NN said...

Doesn't Arthur have his eye on young Joey?

Anonymous said...

"GWR is a disaster and one wonders why a party that can't even run a small business can think itself capable of running the hugely complex UK economy"

You know full well that the BNP couldn't run a proverbial piss-up in a brewery.

Kev Scott loves The Jam said...

Lol Joey is actually 'Bub' from Day of the dead!
http://www.gamingwithchildren.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/bubz.jpg

Where do I claim my 'spot the twat' prize?

Anonymous said...

"You know full well that the BNP couldn't run a proverbial piss-up in a brewery."

Maybe, but the EDL certainly could.

NewsHound said...

NAZI EDL BRING FORWARD DUDLEY RALLY BY ONE DAY: -

http://www.dudleynews.co.uk/news/5065769.Protest_date_switch/

Kirklees Unity said...

Just for clarification, it's Dave Eales, not Ealesand

Anonymous said...

Never ever underestimate how low the average IQ of fascists can be.

Anonymous said...

Joey Smith is on Facebook
His Facebook page is

http://www.facebook.com/joeysmithuk?ref=nf

Anonymous said...

"he sounds like a dog in a blender"

ROFLOL

tulip

John P said...

Kirklees Unity said...

Just for clarification, it's Dave Eales, not Ealesand

So it is, typo on a facebook page is my excuse.

John P said...

Here is there excellent myspace page.
http://www.myspace.com/daveandjoe2be

Anonymous said...

Well my first instinct tells me that a four letter title for the band would have said more about their talent (or lack thereof).

Alternatively the full title is
"2be but not 2be" or its an acronym for 2Brown Eyes or finally they misheard the phone call that said "Band Name is To Be Announced"

Anonymous said...

Smith no longer runs GWR. The only reason he is still around is because he is Dowsons new pet.

Anonymous said...

how can 2 blokes be "a band"? Not even "a group".

Anonymous said...

"The Left has produced some great popular music going back to Woody Guthrie but the Right's efforts have been roundly shite."

The electronic music of Above the Ruins wasnt bad and pre NF and BNP Skrewdriver even had a deal with the independent label Chiswick and produced a debut single that has been described as a fine slice of 70s punk.